This is My Standing Space, This is Your Standing Space

I'll admit it, I watched Dirty Dancing twice last week. Because Baby just has to be taken out of the corner every once in a while. But really, we're gathered here today so I can talk with you about movie theatre etiquette. Or really Being in Public etiquette. Because, seriously. I went to the movies the other night with Dizzle, and as we are standing in line to get our tickets, the woman behind me literally climbed into my back pocket and made herself at home. So much so that while I was trying to talk to Dizzle, I was very clearly hearing about how this 90 pound woman weighed A LOT when she lived in England. Like, the same that she does now. I'm positive this is what she said because she said it at least three times while she helped me hold my purse. So help me, I almost had one of my moments that makes K look like she wants to hide, and turned around to tell the chick that she was making me very uncomfortable, and could she please back up or at least pay for my ticket if we were in a date. Because she was close enough I felt like we were on one. Why do people do that? SPACE people. Pretend you're in Texas. Wide open spaces and hat rims that help people remember to keep their distance. Also guns. That will be used on you if you don't climb the heck out of my back pocket.

So we find our seats in the theatre, and it's not very crowded. Tons of seats. And a group of four comes in, and picks our row, where we are the only two people. And the woman leading the way comes RIGHT up to Dizzle, and basically forces Janelle to give up her purse seat so that she can sit RIGHT next to us. Has this woman never heard of a buffer chair. Everyone knows about the buffer chair. You don't sit right next to people. That's just weird.

I tell you, in my day, we behaved all civilized. What's this world coming to?

Ways to Spot People You Should Not Trust

Today at Hollibery school we are talking about trust. These are some good'uns that I've seen used by my clients, questionable friends, and teenagers everywhere.... Here are some red flags when considering which friends you can trust to keep your deep dark secrets.

1. If they like to gossip about other friends when you are there, consider the fact that you might be the topic of gossip when you are not there. Which brings me to...
2. If they start sentences with "Susie told me not to tell anyone this, but...". This might be an indicator that their promises to keep secrets are conditional, and might be broken due to fall-outs, shifts in mood, or the weather.
3. If you see them lie to other people, and wouldn't know that they were lying if you didn't know the truth about the topic.
4. If you have seen them use other people's secrets as ammo against that person to get what they want.
5. If they say things like "I don't really want to spend time with her..." and then are constantly spending time with her. And they say it about multiple people. Because, what are they saying when they spend time with you?

My little teenager that volunteers with me right now at my work was telling me about just some of these dilemmas the other day. Ah, the loyalty of friends. So refreshing.

Goals: A Reason to Make a List

I don't seem to have posted my New Year's Resolutions last year. I decided to make them all private and meaningful or something. I know I posted them in 2008. I feel the urge to post something this year, although you may not get the whole list. I do like a good list, and I will most likely have more resolutions than all of you combined (yes, all three of you) by the time I'm through. Here's just a smattering of my Resolutions:

1. Exercise, therefore not incurring my sister's mockery and potential wrath for requesting a heart rate monitor for Christmas and not using it. I totally have done this for three days in a row now. As I mentioned once way back when, I'm a firm believer in having unambiguous goals that you can actually reach. So instead of "exercise more" (which I suppose I've already achieved for the year), I shall say, run a ten minute mile. Shut up, stupid in shape people. Also there's more to the goal, but I'm not going to tell you now because you just got lippy. See how you vex me?

2. Spend more time with my teenagery niece and nephew. This will not be very hard, because "more" can be accomplished by one stint of quality time with either one outside of family events. Bad auntie. Also spend some more time with my little squirts. Little Brother is almost convinced it's safe to let me hold him now. I'm making some serious progress here.

3. Quit smoking. Oh... wait... hmm. Well. Check.

4. Find a new way to volunteer. Simmer down, there, Dizzle. I mean in ADDITION to Camp Fire, not instead of. Because my Camp Fire kids love me, as they should. And volunteering broadens your horizons and gives you new skills, as well as sharpening old ones. Also you can put them on your resume. I realized that last year.

5. Read the whole Book of Mormon from front to back at least once during the year. You know, instead of losing my place and starting over all the time. So I can be all religious-like and spiritual. I'm also thinking I shall read the whole Old Testament, since that's what we're studying in Sunday School. And um, just to clarify to my not Mormons, this is in addition to studying the scriptures by topic at church and stuff. I read 'em, I swear.

6. Learn more about the people I work with. Read books about mental illnesses. Learn more about addiction. Read some books on alcoholism. Read some books to understand other cultures. Phew, I need to be reading me some books. Let me know if you have recommendations.

What are your resolutions? Or are you resolution haters?

Why You are Paranoid

If there is one thing that makes me giggle, it is people who talk all high and mighty like about how MyFace is a time waster and better yet "they don't want to share personal information for all to see." Um, it's called privacy settings, folks. Also it's called not accepting strangers as friends. OR, crazy though, don't share personal information. Just a thought. Do I post my phone number on my page even though everyone who is my friend is someone I know? Um, no. Because if I wanted them to call me they would have my number. That's an option. An option I will say was handy when we were moving into our apartment, and we needed help, and one of the Mormon boys whipped out his fancy phone and looked up numbers of guys to help us move and called them. All because of MyFace. And let me tell you also, there is this "decline friend request button." For the keeping of the privacy and whatnot.

When it gets irritating is when the "media is evil" people chime in. It's about the way you use the media, cranky people. I don't play games on MyFace that involve nurturing pretend animals, because it would make my head explode from the stupidness of it all. I don't judge if others do it, it just doesn't sound like fun to me. But to say that you don't do MyFace because you "hear it is a timesucker" is kind of like saying you're not friends with Mormons because you hear they are judgemental. I mean, just because you know me doesn't mean that *all* Mormons are judgemental, right?

Also just this last Saturday I sent out a notice to remind some of my Mormons that church starts at a different time in this, the year 2010. See, that's all efficient, and righteous, and not-time-sucky!

In conclusion, Google me. I dare ya. You will find more information on where to find me and what I am doing on my work and volunteer websites than you will find on MyFace. Those darn privacy settings! Foiled again!

You Never Call, You Never Write

I was just watching a little clip on my favorite news source (besides wikipedia) cnn.com about things that have become obsolete in recent years. They listed things like dial-up internet, phone calls (welcome to the world of texting, people!) and catologs (um, love a good catalog. what's wrong with them?). The item listed that I found the most objectionable is letter writing.

Yes, I'm aware that letter writing has been a passtime in decline for several years now. I've been thinking about this a lot. When is the last time you wrote someone a letter (not counting your Christmas greetings)? I love me a good letter, but I rarely write them. Also I rarely get them. What crappy friends you are! Mostly we instant message, text, and write on MyFace walls. Emails aren't even necessarily that common anymore, with the exception of work communications. I cannot get some of my teenagers that I volunteer with to answer me when I email them to save my life.

I feel like we need to revive the art of letter-writing somehow. We could call it retro and that'll make it hip.

I've recently been looking through some old family letters. Back in the day, it used to be cool (at least among the Mormons, not sure about everyone else) to exchange family chain letters on a frequent basis updating everyone on what your family is up to. I think the idea was you would mail on your letter as well as everyone before yours to the next person, and at some point it would start over or something? I'm not smart enough to figure it out right now. That sounds like it might work. You should try it. I guess maybe the whole aforementioned mommyblogger trend is our generation's answer to those letters. I'm all for a good update on the kids. I have my own little cuties that I look forward to reading posts about. But there's a certain romance, a certain intimacy to letters. What about that? Where are my little kid scribbles about what they got for christmas and why their sister bugs them? 'Cause we got 'em back in the day. Oh, yes, my family got 'em. Does your family, now? I didn't think so. 'Cause your kids aren't blogging. Yet.

If You Hear the Fire Engines, It's the Fridge

I was on the youtoober, lookin for a clip like this



To show you the piece 'o' crap that our apartment managers saddled all the apartment with. Turns out, GE sucks. Or at least this model does. So much so that the very same model can be seen here....



trying to burn down the house. I'm just sayin'. And when we complain, they have just the right fan part on hand to replace it with and they tell us not to keep so much stuff in our freezer. Because apparently the shelves are not for storage. Bless the maintenance guy's heart, he's as much as admitted the fridge is a piece 'o'crap, but he ain't The Man, and hey, it's job security, right?

Things Every Automobile Consumer Should Consider

In view of the profuse squishiness of my car, Squishy, that has forced his back bumper into a permanent grin, there's a very slight possibility that I will get to sink further into debt--er, buy a new car.

My sister sent me this peach of a review.



It helped me to realize that there are things one should consider when purchasing that perfect automobile. Things like:

1. Is it easy to park?
2. Is it green?
3. Can I afford it?
4. What if I'm asked to take part in a beach assault with the Royal Marines?