Because It's All About Me

I just read the best article. I'm sure you will be surprised to learn that this generation of American children has a greater sense of entitlement than all the generations before them. I know, shocking, right? I cannot tell you the number of times I have to hear the "f" word (fair) out of parents lips, as in "it's not fair to make them clean up after themselves when they are here to have fun." Um, yes, it is. It totally is. It is always fair for people to clean up after themselves. And I'm going to get all crazy here and say that it is actually also quite fair to ask them to clean up after other people. It's called service. And they should be contributing members of society.

I went camping last weekend at a beautiful national park nearby, and I was disgusted with the amount of trash I encountered as I strolled through the beautiful forest that lead to a lovely river on the border of the campground. Some boys had a party by the river the night before, judging from the hooting and firecrackers we heard the night before. And the next day I saw that they had left their beer cans and other detritus scattered by the banks of the river, and half burned in the fire pit. I really am just thankful that they didn't burn down the beautiful forest. That kind of behavior is a perfect example of what happens to children who feel entitled when they grow to be adults. They keep people awake, practically burn down the forest, possibly traumatize the bears in the area, and leave the forest all ooky as a farewell gift.

So, due to my vast knowledge as a parent, I'm giving you the following tips:
1. Make your kids do chores. You are not their maid. They are a member of the household, and the only way they are going to learn to keep a house is by keeping a house. You don't want your kid to be the smelly kid* when they grow up, do you?
2. Teach your kids to leave a place nicer than they found it. My mom always had us throw away our popcorn bag instead of leaving if for the theatre workers to pick up. This is a good thing to teach kids. A bad thing to teach them is that the ground is their garbage can. I cannot tell you how many times I've witnessed a kid standing next to their parent casually drop a candy wrapper on the ground instead of walking the 5 or so feet to a nearby garbage can.
3. Kids are not entitled to your money. I lived most of my life without allowance, and somehow I didn't die.
4. Stop yelling so much. If you say everything in a shout they will think that is normal behavior. And then they will grow up to be adults who yell at people and are surprised that others think they are over reacting. You don't want to raise a crazy kid any more than you want to raise a smelly one, do you?


*I am referring, of course, to Big Daddy, with Adam Sandler.

Can I Have Your Number?

Um, I blame this post on K. It's stuck in my head now. The back of your head is ridikolous.

Movin Day

In honor of moving day, and because I don't have the time or energy to think of an interesting post right now, I give you this movie classic:



pictures of the new apartment to follow. :)

Make Them Stop!

I've had hiccups for about five minutes now. Usually I only have one and then I am done with them. Perfect way to cap off the evening.

Stupid hiccups.

We Knew Even Then...

We knew it was coming. We made fun of hair from other eras, and yet we knew we would some day be mocked. I've watched to movies that kids these days would probably classify as "old" (just like me), where I saw the hair that I used to yearn after and now want to apply frizz control to. I'm speaking of this:

And of this:

Curls are fun, yes. But this looks like unhealthy frizzy permed hair. Which I totally tried to have during junior high school.

Look how pretty her hair is here:

Even if you don't like the coloring you have to admit her hair looks much healthier and touchable, right?

That super curly puffy hair to me is reminiscent of the 'do we were all trying to achieve to some extent. You know the one. The one where you had the spiral perm, adn then you had a big puff on the top of your head, like Elaine from Seinfeld. My only comfort is that it seems to be making a comeback, so we can mock these crazy kids some day too. I'm talking about this:

All the kids are doing it.

Make the Voices Stop

Why, oh why, do we need commentators for the Olympics opening ceremonies? I'm trying to watch the wierd choreographed boat dance thing, with huge feather looking oars and waves projected onto a screen above the stadium stands, which I'm sure would touch my heart and bring me to new heights of thought and awareness, except I have to mute it to get rid of the "blah, blah, blah you can see his vision blah blah blah, the churning of the oars are symbolic of my words and how they go on and on blah blah blah." We need to have not one, but TWO men to tell us all about the meaning and the design. Because apparently the part where they chose the music was not all that significant.

Now all the pretty chinese women are coming out in their traditional looking garb with cool hair, and all I hear from the announcers is that China is coming out... of the closet? of the wardrobe? Not really sure. I muted it. Because I DON'T CARE. I am trying to watch the pretty ladies and the huge pillars that are blossoming on the field.

I have now resorted to creating my own music, since I obviously don't get to hear theirs. I am reminded of the lyrics to the Olympic Theme Song that I learned as a child:

(To the tune of the theme song)
This is the Olympics theme song
that you've always heard but you do not know the words
(This is the drum part, this is the drum part).

I can sing it for you if you would like. It's much more pleasant to listen to than sportscaster Bob's voice that just goes on and on and on and on.

Side note: I see from a commercial Christian Slater is still ACTING. When did that happen?

I last remember him from this:


And of course this treasure:

Best. Chick Flick. Ever.

Or at least one of the best.

Um, why do they stop talking for the strange glowing men routine but not the pretty, pretty ladies?

Why, on TV, do they always...

Why, when there is a police car or ambulance on a tv show or in a movie, does the cop or medic always tap twice on the car before it pulls away. Do they really do that in real life? Or do they just mock shows that do that?

That's Just Crazy Talk!

I seem to have a new catch phrase. I knew my use of it had gone beyond what was healthy and sane when I said "That's just crazy talk!" 10 times in about 10 minutes. I was surprised my friend I was with did not stand up and yell "enough!" This phrase has joined my list of overused phrases:

1. For crying out loud! (handy in any circumstance. I blame this on my ballerina kimmy).
2. Good times. (I blame this on an old friend, Adam. I'm just thankful I never picked up on his "cool beans" saying)
3. Bless her heart (uttered when you are trying to think good thoughts about someone who is driving you crazy, possibly despite their efforts to be helpful)
4. Oopsies! (finally am succeeding in purging this from my vocabulary, but I'm moving back in with K, who got me started down that road.)

I think those are my four. Did I miss one?

*note: if whoever is letting their kid play in their car and honk every two seconds doesn't make them stop soon I'm going to go rip their steering wheel out of their car.

In Memory of...

When you look at the monuments different civilizations raise, it gives you a picture about what kind of people they were. The pyramids, l'Arc de Triomphe, and the Eiffel Tower are just a few that come to mind. In the US, we have the Statue of Liberty, the Golden Gate Bridge, the Washington Monument, and of course, SUV's.

"SUV's as monuments?" you say, "that's just crazy talk!" Yes, it is. Each time I see one I think the same thing.

You have seen these moving motored monuments, too, I'm sure. I'm speaking of car window stickers people attach to their rear windows that say things like "In loving memory of Stuey, 1806-2008," often with an outline of a kitty, or hand prints, or a hibiscus flower to accent it. It is interesting to me that the deceased is being honored by dedicating the family car to them. I'm not sure that would make me feel warm and fuzzy in my death. If you're going to have a monument in my honor, much better to hang a celebratory Kermit ornament from the Christmas tree each year than to put my name and death date on your car.

Also, stop with these:


Why are you telling everyone in the world who is in your family, and what their hobbies are, on your car? There are creepy people out there who would use that information for their own ends. Especially when you post their names on the car. Picture a strange man wandering past your driveway, and seeing young Timmy playing. He knows from the car that mom's name is Sue, and big sister is Tina. Creepy people use this kind of information. That's all I'm saying. I know that some of you are thinking of getting these stickers and possibly some of you already have them. That's fine. I'll just make fun of you.