Other Things I Love

In addition to gnomes, I've developed a sudden fixation on unicorns. They make me happy. I feel like I should own one. Since there are no actual unicorns for sale in my geographical area, I have been scouting the web. Turns out that while unicorns strike my fancy in theory, there are a lot of ugly, creepy unicorns out there. I'm telling you. Go to Amazon or Etsy, and you will see what i mean. I do enjoy the print on etsy I found that says "Shut it or I'll stab you with my norwhal." I'm seriously contemplating getting this one for my home.I feel like this would add the little morsel of homeyness that I haven't quite capture yet in my apartment. This print could be the clincher. And don't steal my idea. I don't want to walk into your house and find that you have the EXACT SAME PRINT hanging over your couch. I will have to go all ninja on you if you do. You have been duly warned.

But seriously, why can't I find anything more than moderately cute. Like these erasers...

Kind of cute. A little creepy.

I do, however, need these:

I have marked them on my wishlist on Amazon for your convenience. Along with this:

Just so you know, I draw the line here:

This, my friends, is creeeepy. And you may not buy it for me.

Why I Hate Crafts

Okay, maybe hate is a strong word. Maybe I should say Why I Do Not Enjoy Crafting. It's not that I don't value crafts. I have friends, like K, who are very crafty, and can do amazing things with crafts. I am not one of those people. When I make crafts, they end up looking like the creations of a three year old. Not to knock the creations of Little Man. He is turning three this week, and is quite a handyman. But my creations are always the crooked, limp, sad looking crafts.

My lack of love for crafting does not come from my craft-challengedness, either. I am actually not generally too concerned about my craft looking perfect. In fact I'm quite proud of my odd looking little creations. I've come to realize something about myself recently. I don't enjoy crafting. I don't care that my craft looks funny because for the most part I just want to be done with the craft. I think that when you really enjoy a hobby, it gives you a good feeling, like a buzz, when you are doing that activity. When I craft, I am bored. I want to be doing something else. I usually finish quickly (or don't finish at all) and then dance around or tell stories or sing songs while my more crafty friends take HOURS to complete their crafts because they derive pleasure from their creation (all the while trying to figure out if it is wrong to hot glue my lips together). I do not derive that pleasure.

The one exception would be my pottery. I love throwing pottery. I don't mind taking the time to create it. I love to show it to people. I love to give it as gifts. If I've given you pottery, that means you have one of my babies, and I gave it to you because you're special and I believe that you will give it a good home. If I think you will laugh at my pottery or make comments about how hideous it is later after I leave, you can't have it. If you've received pottery from me in the past and made fun of it, I want it back. If you hesitate in accepting my pottery when offered, you may never get a piece of pottery from me again. You've now been duly warned.

You only wish you owned creations like this.

Hunks of Junk Sunk My Spunk

I have found a new hobby. Stopping junk mail. I have always had a deep and abiding hatred for junk mail. Or at least junk mail that does not come in the form of catalogs selling cute clothes or other fun things I can buy. Especially junk mail with forms asking for you to apply for things. Because everyone knows you are supposed to shred that kind of junk mail. Going to the lengths of shredding my junk mail takes way too much effort. It's exasperating. My momma taught me to shred anything that could get pulled out of my recycling and used to create a fraudulent account in my name. I am very diligent about not disposing of things with my personal information on them. And by dispose I mean pile up in my room until I have a ridiculous amount of paper piling up. Apparently I should have asked for a shredder for my birthday.

The parts that don't have your personal info on them could come in very handy, though. This idea would have come in handy a few months ago when K and I purchased our new salt and pepper shakers, and realized they had very small openings through which to deposit the salt and pepper. Even with this newfound knowledge, I have determined that I must renew my efforts to rid myself of junk mail. Why?

1. It creates clutter, in the form of large piles of things that I should shred, but can't because I don't own a shredder, so I have to take it to work or my parents in order to shred it real good.
2. It wastes my time. I don't want to open it, I don't want to shuffle through it to decide what to recycle and what to shred, and I don't want to reshuffle through it when I realize that I'm not sure if the pile I set aside is a shred pile or a recycle pile, or if I at some point mistakenly put shred stuff in with the recycle stuff.
3. All the trees are dying. I love me a good tree. They make things all naturey.

Whose Brilliant Idea Was This?

What bright marketing person decided that Memorial Day Weekend was a good weekend to have big sales? Because I would like to cast my vote to stop that tradition. I personally do not immediately associate sales with any major holiday, whereas I know some people look forward to holidays so they can go shopping. I was excited that I had four whole days (sort of) all to myself this weekend, and looked forward to relaxing. A few of the things on my mental list that did not make it onto my blog list involved going to a few stores in the mall. When I pulled in to parking lot at the mall, I realized by the insane amount of cars in the parking lot that everyone else decided this was a good weekend to shop, too. Only most of them were strolling leisurely down the mall walkways. Who strolls in a mall? If you are one of those people who strolls, I have a few questions. Is this seriously the best activity you could come up with for a beautiful sunny afternoon in Seattle? To go inside and walk like a turtle down the walkway in herds with other women and teenagers, and a few poor men who got dragged along? Seriously, this sounded like fun to you when you woke up this morning? Are you on crack? Could you at least please stay to the right so I can walk by at a normal rate, if not a hurried, get-me-away-from-this-herd-of-crazy-women pace?

I got over hanging out in malls somewhere in high school. It sounded fun when I was about 10. Now I find it amusing only because there are so many people that seem to go there to be seen. Mostly teenagers. Also crazy people seem to go there. But people watching can only get you so far. And too many salespeople seem to follow you around stores. (NO, you cannot help me. I see your nametag, I know where to find you...)

Needless to say I got out of that mall very quickly. I got one item I had set out to get, but I did not get ANY clothes. You want to know why? Because I found things like this every which way I turned. Some of them I did find quite cute, however I cannot wear them. Seriously, a whole store with nothing with sleeves besides the plane tshirts, which I have enough of, is just silly. Mormon girls need cute clothes too. Ones with sleeves. That don't show off the girls. And don't age me 10 or 20 or 50 years. That's all I'm asking for.

It was enough to make me cranky. Never you fear, though. I went to pottery that afternoon, which is almost always soothing, and worked on some creations that are so, so cool that you will die from their coolness when I post the pictures.