I Heart the Eighties

They just don't write good, solid, quality sappy songs anymore. Some components that can be found in said songs:

1. Dramatic Oooohing.
2. Dramatic Aaaahing.
3. Echoing
4. A good keyboard segment, possibly with some flutes or something in the background
5. Rolling thunder during the long instrumental section in the middle

They just don't make songs like they used to.

Example:




How can you not love the glowing eyes? The ninjas? The fencers? The tumblers? The flying boys' choir boy? The men in caveman diapers doing ballet? Those were the days...

Have a Good Weekend!

That would be the phrase I kept enthusiastically using today at work. And then the person wold look at me funny and I would wonder what their deal was. Because I seriously thought it was Thursday, if not Friday. Because that's how long this week has been so far. I mean, draaaaaama. You have no idea. Reorganization at work has resulted in some, um... let's call them growing pains. My poor partner in crime who has yet to receive a blog name because nothing is coming to my brain is ready for a vacation. Which is annoying since that means I have to endure days with no entertainment at work and nothing to occupy my time but... work. Gross.

P.S. Just glanced up at the screen to see a woman plop a finger on the table and the profilers on Criminal Minds look at it with interest, like it was a drawing of a cat or something. Also Mrs. King raised a botoxed eyebrow and shrugged a shoulder. Then we cut to commercial. I heart Criminal Minds.

Why I Hate Children

So, for those of you who know me this will come as no shock. I hate children. They giggle and they're loud and sticky and opinionated and they think farts are funny. I'm just saying. But mostly, the reason I hate children can be illustrated by my time in the theatre yesterday.

I went to see Alice in Wonderland, which I'm pretty sure was super good. From the parts that I heard, that is, over the incessant giggling coming from behind me. Over nothing. There was nothing funny going on. At least not on the screen. Maybe I was missing some neat trick involving Twizzlers and root beer or something. Because, you see, there were about 20 ten-year-olds in the row behind me. About ten minutes into the movie, they got not only The Eye, but I leaned over my seat and gave them the "Girls, you need to quiet down" to go with it. Oh, they were scared. When you are ten and adults yell at you the need to be rebellious fades a little bit. Unfortunately a few rows behind them were 3 twelve-year-olds who found themselves not only hilarious, but beyond the reach of adults' wrath. They are lucky I didn't feel like getting up. Because seriously, there was no whispering going on. I was hearing things like "where are they going?" in their six foot voices. You know, as opposed to their six inch voices. They seriously were closer to death than they possibly ever had been before. My death stares didn't last as long on them. It was dark.

I have realized something the last few years. My mom was mean. And there should really be more mean parents out there. Because she would not let me go to movies, or even the mall, with my friends alone when I was ten. Because I would have annoyed the crap out of all the adults out there, since my obnoxious sensor was turned off, as all children's are in those types of situations. Parents are so intent on being the cool parent, and the parent who is "fair," and the parent who is loved, that they forget they are training their little angels to behave like human beings. And that's why we are starting to see adults that don't know how to behave in the theatre either. Because we need more mean parents. I exhort you, parents: make your children cry more. Because I hate children. And if you leave them at the theatre unattended like that again, I make no promises they won't return to you with death stare marks seared into their foreheads, among other things.

I Would Just Like to Clarify

I have a fairly sarcastic sense of humor. In case you had not caught that. I like to make statements, in my blog as well as in life, that are meant to be funny because they are the OPPOSITE, see, of what is true. Like:

1. I hate kids. They are so whiny and demanding. Especially those darn babies.
2. I'm a firm believer in slacking. This is why I spend hours at work on MyFace and gossiping with the girls. My philosophy: do the least amount of work for the most pay you can manage.
3. Teenagers are hoodlums.
4. Book-learning is for weaklings.
5. Drama is fun. I am really glad I work with grownups who spread rumors like teenage girls.

I discovered that certain people who I thought "got" me take me more literally than I had imagined a while ago. I made a comment to a coworker about how it's not a big deal that I don't have access to MyFace at work because I've logged into it maybe five times in the last six months at work. My coworker raised an eyebrow and possibly snorted. So apparently those comments about how irritated I was that her browsing of naughty sites had caused IT to put up a firewall prohibiting me from MyFacing when I'm working hard at not working were only taken as partial humor. Must I explain everything?

What to Do When You Are Fatally Ill.

I'm fatally ill again. It started with really annoying sinus headaches and swollen glands and has progressed to a cough and the waining of life from my limbs. I've been forced to my bed. It's very tragic. I think I managed to share a sufficient amount of my germs all around work before I went home today, though, so no worries. I'm a giver like that.

So I need to make a "to do" list to keep me occupied since getting up from my bed is very exhausting.

1. Watch Mamma Mia at least 5 times. Because I can. And if you think that sounds gross there is something wrong with you.
2. Watch at least one season of Law and Order: SVU. Because this is what you do when you are sick. Duh.
3. Eat my cool mint oreos. Those will nutrify me and make me all better.
4. Drink lots of herbal tea.
5. Sleep in my cozy, cozy bed with my flannel sheets.
6. Have weird dreams. I know they are coming. They will be about work, and about babies, and about Dancing Queens.
7. Take lots of Tylenol Sinus. It's that or lots and lots of head pain. I choose door A.
8. Take a veeeeeeeeeeery long shower. Possibly every few hours. Because the steam and hot water on my head will help relieve the sinus pressure. Stupid sinuses. I'm also going to rip them out of my head.
9. Drink lots and lots and lots of water. I hear that makes your body happy.
10. I hate ending on nine.
9.

It started as a Sweet Self Portrait

And ended with me in hysterics because Baby Girl is so stinking hysterical. She has the cutest little sense of humor! I didn't realize she was pulling faces until I pulled back the camera to look at the little preview window. Let's just say there are about thirty of these.

I Just Wanted to Say...

That I love you.

What a four year old says when at a loss for words. Because she hearts me. Aw.