When Writing your Movie Script, Consider the Following

I like to consider myself fairly open to different types of movies. I will watch romances, suspense, thrillers, mysteries, comedies and even some horror movies. Here is what I think should be banned from being produced:

1. Movies where children die. No. Just, no.
2. Movies where a good romance ends in the couple breaking up. The message being, of course, that they discovered that they are a bigger person on their own, with some new-found independence to buoy them up. At least that's what they tell themselves since they are all alone with their memories. (This is not to be confused with an annoying romance where I thank my lucky stars it was put out of it's misery.)
3. Romance movies where one of the people dies. Hello, isn't real life depressing enough? Shouldn't fictional characters at least get to live happily ever after? What is so romantic about "having them right here, in your heart, forever..."? Um, that would be nothing. It just sucks. You are alone, and it sucks. Yeah, Titanic, I'm talking to you.
3. Romance movies where the characters end up old. Why would we want to fastforward to the end? Kind of anti-climactic, don't you think?
4. Movies where the main character loses their friend/lover/family member, and they see at the end how that person gave them a gift, and they should go on to live bright shiney lives and run and laugh and play. Because you're only really sad for a week or two before you get to that stage. And then you make a new friend who used to be your enemy or at least someone who annoyed you, but was touched by your loved one before or after they tragically died. And then you both become Better People.
5. Poorly written movies with no real deep and meaningful plot which are produced solely to make you want to buy more of the product. Kids movies seem to be produced in this way often. Adults, these aweful movies wouldn't keep being produced if you didn't buy them. What's the deal?

I won't tell you which movie I watched tonight that inspired this post, in case it is in your dvd queue, but suffice it to say it was fairly recent, based on a children's book, and I liked it all the way up to the part where he goes to the museum. And then it became terribly depressing and the bright shiney ending did not make me think, gee, life is good. It made me think, wow, kid, you recovered quickly.

Boys are from Mars, Girls Smell Like Sugar... er something.

Apparently the "new wave" in education and child development is that perhaps boys learn differently than girls, and their education should be approached differently. I find this topic fascinating, since I work with children who are both boys and girls. I have seen the look of boredom, and the boy rolling around on the floor out of boredom while the girls listened intently to the leader. So is seperating them the answer? I don't know how I feel about this. I may just have to read the book.

But I Didn't Go Toward the Light

I almost died today. I started this story with this sentence when I told K and she laughed at me. Go ahead. Laugh. You think I am joking. I am not joking. And I will tell you this story even though you laughed at me. Jerk.

I was on my way back to the office after running a work errand that took up my normal lunch hour. I stopped by Quizno's and bought my favorite sandwich, since it was almost 1:30 and I was STARVING. I decided instead of being patient, and eating my sandwich at my desk while I checked my own blog to see if I had possibly posted yet, I would eat it as I traveled back to the office. I was one block away from my office and almost done with my sandwich when I came to a stoplight. I took (I think) what was the last bite of the sandwich, which was possibly larger than other bites because it was the last bit and I needed both hands, and then I took a deep breath for some reason. And the whole abnormally large bite which had not really been chewed got sucked down my wind pipe. I tried to cough and it was this tiny little thing that sounded more like a throat clearing, since I was only able to take enough air to allow a smurf to function normally. I did this possibly five more times, and I looked in my rearview mirror to see my pretty purple face, and then little white lights swimming by. They were pretty lights, like little lightening bugs, or like those sparklers you wave around on the 4th of July. I then had thoughts like "I'm all alone," and "I'm in a car with no brake set except the one my foot is on," and "if I pass out, how do I make sure I don't die." I'm not sure if I got to the point where I would have put my emergency brake on, or whether I would have thought to lay on my horn, but fortunately even though I was having a hard time forming rational thoughts, I did have the sense to make one more valiant effort to cough (actually it was more like 4 or 5) and summoned all my efforts and muscle support to overcome the the obstacle of the Chicken sandwich and cough as hard as I could. Finally it came out. I still had to cough several times to convince my air passageway that it should, in fact, accept air.

One thing I did learn: when you have almost suffocated, for some reason you (or maybe it's just me) suffer from pins and needles, or more like nails and screws, in your upper back every time you cough or sneeze. Any other near suffocation victims out there who can tell me if I'm a freak of nature, and if not how long this lasts for? I feel a little Google spree coming on.




In honor of my newfound appreciation for my lungs, and also in honor of the Grey's Anatomy premiere I will be missing tomorrow night because I have no cable.

The moral of the story is either:
A. Do not eat Quizno's alone in your car.
B. Fast food will kill you.
C. We must all sit down and lay out a plan for future car choking incidents. Do you honk on the horn or ram a tree to get help? That is the material question.

Is It a New One Yet?

I keep checking my own blog, like it's somehow going to magically change even though I haven't posted. In case you are wondering, part of the reason I have posted so little is that since I have moved, I don't have wifi to call my own. We're hoping to get it in the next week or so. Or at least I'm hoping that. It doesn't seem to be killing K as much as it is killing me. But I know all of my adoring blog readers are probably DYING to hear more from me. Life is just not as shiney and sparkley without my blogs, is it?

On the Road Again

This was me today. This will be me tomorrow.



The scary thing is after so much time in the car I've worked up to doing all four parts at once.

The good news is that although I spent about four hours in the car today, and will likely spend at least four hours in my car tomorrow, I get to be reimbursed for the gas.

Talk About a Gloomy Forecast

The CNN breaking news alert copy writer apparently did not get enough sugar on his cheerios this morning. Or maybe it's the guy who writes copy for the weather service. The alert I got today says, "People sheltering at ground level at Galveston Bay when Hurricane Ike hits face 'certain death.'"

Be nice, Ike!

Thrift Tip #1

K and I have the perfect plan. We were at the business Costco the other day, and they sell vending machines and the goodies to stock them with. So when you come by our place, feel free to help yourself to a nutter butter out of the vending machine. All you need is three quarters.

He's King of the Mountain

Animal sits atop his mountain o' muppet parts,

explaining that the frog had it coming.

KJ (formerly known as KP) graciously gave me one of her comfy, comfy bean bags when I moved out. It got a little ooky during transport, so I took the outer shell off to treat and launder (Turns out I'm magical, and the cover looks brand new). What else was there to do while the cover dried, but to perch animal atop the ruins. The inner pouch has obviously sprung a few leaks. I'm not complaining, because the bean bag is now restuffed and the comfiest seat you can imagine.

Animal oversees the stuffing of the immaculate bean bag.

After I cleaned up the muppet remains, the floor needed vacuumed with our handy dandy vacuum which came from KJ's husband. I had to figure out how to insert the vacuum bag. Since the last vacuum I had access to was bagless, I was a little perplexed. So was Animal.

Animal was perplexed.

Run Away!

The other muppets made Animal mad.

Perfectly Good Sick Days

The unfortunate thing about Sick Days is that they expect you to be sick to take them. On sick days I typically:

1. sleep in
2. Take lots of naps
3. Watch movies
4. Watch tv-when I have tv, which I don't right now
5. Take my temperature every 15 minutes to see if it has gone up or down.

Doesn't this sound fun? (Okay, the thermometer part could probably be left out on your typical lazy day) It would have been fun, except I also felt really yucky, so it was a wee bit difficult to enjoy watching the Pemberley scenes of Pride and Prejudice as they played in a loop. Also I was too nauseous to eat, and yummy foods should be part of any good lazy day. Although Saltine crackers can be surprisingly delicious. Also Sir Isaac Lime and I had a great time.

So, bosses, what is the deal with this requirement to be sick on sick days? It takes all the fun out of them. Laying in a ball in the middle of my bed with the blinds drawn and the fan on, trying not to puke, is not the ideal way to spend a friday (or the Saturday and Sunday of Labor Day weekend, for that matter). If only you wouldn't force me to go to such lengths to get a friday off.

Okay, so there are vacation days, but those don't come up all unexpected like sick days. Unexpected like last friday, where the waves of nausea hit me so fast I barely had time to call someone in the main office, print a sign for the door ("currently puking, call back later"), and speed home to my waiting toilet. All very exciting, except that the impromptu day off was not fun. I want fun sick days. Someone work on that.