Riding the Bus Like a City Girl!

It's been a few months now since I was hired at my new job, and my time using an "extra" parking pass my company was paying for is over. I'm okay with this. I knew it was happening. Plus there are lots of added perks. Like needing less gas and less repairs, therefore saving money, so I can buy cute shoes. Also I have less stress, since I no longer have to worry about being run over by crazy people who don't want to let me merge, and instead try to force me to remain in an exit lane when trying to enter the freeway. AND I can read on the way home, therefore taking some time to relax and exercise my brain a little.

My first day on the bus (we won't count the one-day trial run back in August), I stepped onto the bus, paid the fare, and then politely accepted the transfer ticket being proffered by the bus driver, 'cause, you know, even though I didn't need it, I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Then there was the exciting lurch as I turned to walk down the aisle to take my seat, and an awkward moment where I asked (like all the sudden I have manners or something) "may I sit here?" of the nice looking asian man who concentrated very hard on not noticing me. On the way home that night, I was That Passenger who totally missed that we were at my stop, and had to approach the driver and ask him to just let me out when we were at the next stop light, so I wouldn't have to call my daddy and ask if he could come get me at a park and ride ten or fifteen minutes from my house and take me back to the park and ride where my car was waiting for me.

I'm a big city girl now.

I'm Patrioticest!

And I can prove it because I have this, this and this.

No, not really, dork!

Ten Essentials for the Elite Hiker

1. Bottle of Evian to parch your thirst.
2. stylish windbreaker to, you know, break the wind and make your butt look good.
3. A Swiss army knife with doodads and whatnots because I hear those are handy in the wilderness and such.
4. A walking stick. Because serious hikers have a walking stick. Specifically one that they bought at a store with varnish and carvings and stuff.
5. A backpack to carry your trail mix, camera, and backup windbreaker for when the first one gets old.
6. Tennis shoes to carry in your backpack for when you get tired of wearing your flip flops.
7. I-phone for the map app.
8. hand-held fan mister.
9. Sunglasses to prevent wrinkles around the eyes.
10. Handy beacon for when you get lonely or bored.

If you don't get why this is the silliest hiking essentials list ever, do NOT plan a hike that requires said beacon. You don't want to win the kind of award they give out for that.

I'm Dreaming...

Of a White Christmas. I admit it. I'm thinking about Christmas. It started with having to commencing planning for holiday events for work at the beginning of October. It's hard to search for snowflake clipart and come up with catchy little names for my flyers related to the holidays and NOT start singing the tunes. So today K, a few of her family members and I settled down to watch White Christmas. Best. Christmas. Movie. Ever. You may argue that Miracle on 34th Street or It's a Wonderful Life is the best movie ever, but I am here to tell you, you're wrong. White Christmas has it all. Snappy songs. Tear jerker moments with the General. Bing Crosby (in my opinion, Bing Crosby is a requisite for The Best Christmas Movie). In chatting with a friend, I discovered that there is a title I could hold that I have neglected earning, which his mother wears as a proud badge. Better than Cat Lady, even. The Christmas Movie Lady. No, you can't have it, I saw it first.

Here's what I've come up with so far:
1. White Christmas (which I own)

2. It's a Wonderful Life (which I own)

3. It's a Very Muppet Christmas Movie

4. A Muppet Christmas Carol (which I own)

5. Holiday Inn

6. Miracle on 34th Street

7. A Charlie Brown Christmas (which I own)

8. All those old-school cartoons they show every year. That screwball Rudolph!

9. The Grinch and The Grinch. OF COURSE. Sillies. Best Christmas cartoon ever.

10. Elf. Which I think wins the best new Christmas that I do believe qualifies as a classic.

I reject Santa Clause and Home Alone as valid Christmas movies because I cannot look beyond the horror which is their sequels in order to take them seriously. So don't even try to tell me they are. But seriously, this is only ten. I can't be the Christmas Movie Lady with only ten! What other movies do I need to add to my list?

And yes, we are talking about this in October. These things take prepartion. Embrace it.

My Saturday Night or Why I Ate all the Halloween Candy Already

So my oldest nephew joined myface. He's a teenager, but when he was young we got hugs and kisses every time we saw him and he would make a beeline for my room every time they came over for family dinners because I was the aunt that played with them. Also I had a water bed. So maybe all these years I have deluded myself into believing that I was The Favorite Aunt (as I am with all my nephews and my niece--so what if the youngest one cries in terror and makes a crawl for mom every time he sees me). Because this week my oldest nephew joined myface, and he didn't friend me, even though his mom suggested me. But he DID friend my sister. So I guess now the truth is out there. And we are going to have a rumble.

Embrace Your Stupidness and Other Things I Done Learned.

Things I don't miss about college:

1. Community laundry rooms. Seriously, who steals laundry? Because they forced me to spend hours sitting on top of my dryer studying. And that makes me cranky.

2. Math. I don't use it anymore. They lie when they say you will need it in life. Math only gives you ugly news. Like, you're broke. Or, you have one sock too few. Or, the dam in the valley is going to bust wide open. True story. So I just don't use it. Who needs to know when they don't have money? Not me. What's that you say? There's a flood coming? Why must we always focus on the negative?

3. Being poor. Oh, wait....

4. Going into a test feeling smart and coming out stupid. Science, I'm talking to you.

5. Unfailingly having the roommate who attracts the guy I have a crush on. Not a problem any more. Not too many prospects going on round these parts. Although K has a following I enjoy observing trip over themselves to get her attention.

Still, life was so simple back then. I think I'll go back to college.*

*reference to Avenue Q that I will not post a link to, not being willing to take responsibility for a few racey lines. Youtube at your own risk, peoples. I have the edited version. (Can I get a Holla for censorship, here, people?)

POP Goes the Kiddo!

Maybe you have all heard about the case of the kid in a box on the top of a moving minivan.

Since mom's mistake number one is pretty well established, I'd like to focus on her SECOND mistake. Allowing your child to take responsibility for your actions. ON TELEVISION. 'Scuse me, crazy mom. I'm talking to you. I know that your understanding of child developmental stages is, um, lacking... but I'll just let you in on a little secret. Thirteen year-olds do not have fully developed brains. That's why they don't drive. That's why there's someone older there, to ensure that they don't get bright ideas about how to transport their homelessness box. And that is also why you have control over who interviews your daughter. And also responsibility for stupid things the two of you do together. Because you're the mom. And you could have said no, and, I don't know, not driven the car with your child on top of it? And having not said no, you could have made the right choice the SECOND time a decision was placed before you, the parent, and not let your child take the fall on television. What lesson exactly were you driving home there for her?

I'll Pre Exisiting Your Condition, Buddy.

I. Cannot. No. Words.

Okay, maybe just, are you freaking kidding me?

What kind of slimey... gits... were sitting around the table at the Insurance policy-making meeting and said, hey, you know what shouldn't be covered? Domestic Violence. Yeah. Good idea.

Psst...

Can I tell you a secret? I would just say it on myface except that I think I might get lynched for it there. I feel like you and I are tight enough that you will accept me, warts and all. Not that I have warts. Cause I don't. Just to clarify. But I will say this. You know that new show, Glee? That one everyone seems to be RAVING about. Yes, it's in my top five. And it's funny. And I love the music. But...

Come closer.

It's not THAT good.

I mean, don't get my wrong, it's still one of my top shows. But this whole, posting that you are watching it as your status and then raving about it (29 comments later) with your near and dear friends and their near and dear friends? Seriously? Simmer down, folks. I mean, shoot, you would think your imaginary husband Edward/Jacob was on the show.

PS When did this new mohawk trend start? I'm not opposed to mohawks, but this new buzzed mohawk looks a little... trashy? I don't know about kids these days...

Names I Call Dibs On

What with you all popping out babies and such, I feel that we need to establish something. I'm calling dibs on my baby names now, and you cannot use them until every single one of my eggs has dried up. Which I guess is kind of a bummer since your eggs will most likely be all shriveled and gone by then too.

1. Lucy. There will be no Charlie or Patty to go with her, so those names are all yours. I may call her LuLu, so if you had thoughts about any variation on that, I'm sorry, I call dibs, and I believe that is legally binding. Kind of like Tap Tap Place Back.

2. Luke. Although, if there is a Lucy already, I will forgo Luke. We're not doing that whole cutesy they-all-start-with-the-same-letter thing. Because that's just asking for it. And I don't want 17 kids.

3. Matthew. I don't know if you've picked up on this yet, but I kind of have this thing for Bible names. At least for boys. Hepsibah and Hagar are all yours. I like the idea of giving my kids names that have a story with them. BigSis is the opposite, I know. She believes that her kids should have names that are all their own, for them to put their own mark on. And they have. Their names are now branded with cuteness. But I think it would be cool to tell my kids about their namesake, and how they should be like them because they were good and stuff.

4. Noah. See above.

5. Joshua. See above above.

6. Olivia. So I can call her Liv. 'Cause that's cute.

7. Vivian. It's old fashioned but I like it, probably partly because it's attached to a living loved one. But for that reason I don't know if I'll use it. I might have to have a rule about having hundreds of years between the two people involved in the naming-after process.

8. Eva. Because it's pretty. And if I get tired of calling her Eva I'll call her Evie. Or Ev. or E.

9. Esther.

10. Isaac. But in the Bible kind of way, not the creepy naming-her-after-my-first-boyfriend kind of way. 'Cause that would be wierd.

11. Hazel.

12. Lola. Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers in her hair...


Now that we have my dibs established, feel free to use the following, but be aware I will make fun of you:
1. Brooklyn. Um, if you're going to choose a city, why not Seattle?
2. Edward, Bella, Jasper, Alice, Jacob (okay, not Jacob, that's a good standard name), Emmett, or Rosalie. Do I need to explain? Seriously? Little Rosalie: "Mommy, how'd you pick my name?" You: "Well, sweetie, you see there were these vampires...." I excuse those of you with the name Bella in your child's name previously, because it was already popular and who knew, right? But if you have a little Emmett any time soon, it's on.

Feel free to name your baby after me. I *am* quite the role model, after all.

Also, for serious, I recommend those of you still on the baby name hunt check out the social security database. Several of my names I picked were on there, but I don't see myself having children for a wee bit here, since I lack some of the resources to make that happen, so I don't care. I will use them when they are not trendy. Just be aware that there is a way to check and see if you are being trendy. And then you can decide if you care that your daughter will be Bella D. for her entire school career or not. You can also search by the state you live in. I enjoyed looking at Utah's, and seeing that some of the trends haven't changed much in the last five or ten years there. Although there are less names ending in "lyn" for girls, and I don't think that Hunter, Packer, and other 'er's are so high up.