My Friends Love Mormons.*

Hey, did I tell you guys that I'm Mormon? Wait, don't freak out and stop reading. I won't make any sudden movements, and I have not prepared a gospel message to share. Breeeeath.

I try to be fairly open about my religion, and one of the things I love about my closest friends, most of whom are not Mormon, is the genuine and respect they have for my personal beliefs. It affects the way I live, down to some of the day-to-day things that people take for granted. I've noticed that some friends are more open to hearing me explain our quirky Mormon ways than others. It's as though some people think that if they are not careful, I'm going to sneak up on them behind and dunk them in the baptismal font like a pool party game gone awry. Put away the arm floaties.Totally not going to happen.

I've found, though, that even if I try to explain a belief or cultural piece I generally get three very distinct reactions.

1. They try to change the subject as soon as possible. Their inner dialogue
goes something like this: "why is she telling me this? I didn't even ask her
about this. She knows I'm not interested. Maybe I should tell her in no
uncertain terms that I am not interested. I know, as soon as she takes a breath,
I will move on to some other topic."

2. They listen, trying to understand my crazy ways, because the information
helps put some things I share with them into context. Inner dialogue: "What is
this Visiting Teaching term you are throwing around? And you are in
the Relief Society presidency? It's a calling? You and your crazy Mormon slang!"

3. They become hostile. Inner dialogue (which really, at this point,
generally becomes outer dialogue and a very hurtful conversation): "Why would
you believe that? I've heard a, b, and c rumors (all false, twisted, and
offensive). I read it online, and I think you are being fed lies. Your life
would be so much happier if you would pull the wool out from over your
eyes and drink more."

One of my oldest friends, Carrie, is an example of type two. She's been to some church activities with me. She is happy with the way her life is, and she didn't have to tell me that because I know her well enough to know. And I have not, as yet, sneaked up behind her and dunked her in the baptismal font. I'm coming up from behind, all quiet-like see? Those Mormons are wily. She knows what callings are, and could probably even tell you what some of mine have been, dating back to high school. She knows how they have impacted my life. That's important to me. It makes me sad when friends, in what they think is a subtle way, change the subject when I try to talk about my parts of my life that involve my church. If you don't know what I do at church, or what my calling is, there's a whole huge part of my life you have no idea about. I can't vent to you about frustrations I have with something I am struggling with since you don't have the context. I can't tell you a funny story if it requires the context of understanding our meetings and how they work and other little nuances. Don't get me wrong, I have learned how to translate fairly well. But I realize a while ago, when I was telling Carrie a story about something that happened that involved my church life, that I felt relief. Because she has never required me to keep that life separate from our friendship. And that makes for a much more healthy friendship, don't you think?


In regards to type three, I don't encounter that type very much in my friends. And I think it is important to make the distinction that I don't mind having discussions with friends about doctrine in my church they disagree with. I had a friend tell me just last week that something I believe seemed bizarre to her. But she was respectful of my dedication and recognized the importance of the belief to me, too. I'm not offended if you look at some point of doctrine differently, or if you think something I believe is wacky. It's all about how the discussion is had. If we are both careful to respect each other's beliefs, then it can be educational and eye-opening on both ends. People who approach me this way often learn that they have misunderstood the doctrine, and often I come to understand how my friend views my church, what they believe, and why they might think something I believe is a little crazy.

*Much like the guy on The Anchorman who "loves lamp," Mad Hatter Loves Mormons. I tried to find a clip to illustrate but I can't find one of the whole scene and you need the buildup to understand..