I Don't Want to be Your Groupie.

On my list of pet peeves, group messages, whether they be emails or texts, rank far up there. You know who you are. Actually you don't read my blogs, which only adds to my ire for you. Group messages say to me, "You are not high enough on my priority list to send you personalized messages. I have nothing to say to you that I wouldn't say to my mother, little brother, that creepy guy who keeps hitting on me, the guy who dumped me, the old roommate I hated, and my 8 year old niece. I have so many more important things in my life, and am sooooo much more busy than you." That message is not a warm fuzzy one. You may have noticed I rarely reply to your group messages.

You will notice that while I have been known to send a group email in the past, it is generally a "hey, give me your address" at Christmas, because it didn't occur to you to tell me when you moved, or a "hey, here's my new address," because it DID occur to me to tell you. Or it was a "look at this neat get-to-know-you list forward," which you might have noticed I have discontinued sending, after one of my oldest friends made a snarky remark to me about how the only emails he gets from me are forwards. That's right, Portland Boy, I'm talking about you. Instead I post those on my blog. The only group emails, besides the random big announcement emails (if you've just had a baby, I fully accept that I am lucky to get any notice, because I would be lying in bed like a big baby, staring at my little baby and trying not to move), that I find acceptable, are group conversations, like, "hey, everyone, how do we want to celebrate Holli's birthday? " Those kind are acceptable. Group texts saying Merry Christmas are just silly. Because obviously you were not thinking of me, you were button happy and decided as you scrolled through your contacts that I meritted a group text. Which, wow. I'm so special. I feel all warm and fuzzy. A few years ago I may not have realized it was a group text. But now I'm onto you. And you are fired. I have never sent you a group text, bucko.