Perspective

One of my friends scared the crap out of me the other day. She had a medical scare that was life-threatening. For too many terrifying hours things were uncertain. I have never felt that level of awful fear for someone close to me. I've had grandparents and aunts and uncles die, but those deaths were for the most part not startling, and it at least felt like they had lived a life. Also, generally the assurance that I will see them again and that they are with God has been a comfort to me. But this friend is my age. I have only had her for a few years in my life. That is not long enough. And really, there is no one in my life right now that I am willing to part with. I'm selfish that way. Thankfully, she is okay. Fervent prayer was uttered by many who loved her, and I believe that God blessed her.

It's been a rough couple years for me. Lots and lots of change in my life. New job, new grown-up apartment with no roommate, new friends, new ward, and severed ties with a few old beloved friends. In some ways I have rejoiced in the changes and how they have helped me to grow and expand as a person. I've learned so much and love the people and experiences that these changes have brought me. But lately I have been struggling with the challenges these changes have also brought my way. Growing is exhausting. Trying to do better and be stronger is exhausting. I feel like I'm on the right track, but, my goodness, I'm tired. And also sad, because I've lost a few friends with these changes. But this week helped me gain some perspective on things.

Those things I've been stressing about? Kind of silly. My job is hard but I'm moving in the right direction and my boss is happy with me. My friends get frustrated with me but they love me anyways even with all my crazy. If I haven't driven them away with my crazy yet that's a pretty darn good sign. And even the ones who are not speaking to me anymore are still alive. I'd rather have them somewhere out there annoyed with me than not out there.