Valuable Social Values Discussions Sparked by Trashy TV

Since it's summertime and almost every show is on break for the summer, I keep getting sucked into really worthwhile TV time. Like that silly "reality" show about couples who have been hemming and hawing over whether to tie the knot. I've avoiding this show, because these kinds of shows drive me more than a little bit nuts. The producers obviously manipulate certain situations to amp up the drama by setting up certain conversations and confrontations that would not have happened otherwise, and would not normally have happened on camera. By playing up these situations, they are toying with deep, personal emotions for the entertainment of the masses. Possibly national television is not the place to address sensitive, painful, personal family issues. And yes, I feel this way about certain episodes of Dr. Phil, too, but at least he's a trained professional and trying to educate the masses about mental, emotional and social issues in addition to entertaining them.


Anywho, I confess, I'm currently filling my brains with mental cotton candy and deep fried snickers bars. Pretty soon I will have an obese brain. But here's how they sucked me in: the hurtle standing between them progressing in their relationship is the groom's "Mama". She has this cute little nickname for the bride-to-be... "the white devil." In the teaser at the beginning, they show her saying things like "I would rather see (dude) marry in his race (his race being African-American)," and "I can't support something that I know in my heart isn't right," and "I just hope that in the end he makes the right decision (the right decision being not marrying his girlfriend of 10 years because of her race)." Seriously, Mama? I cannot find the words to respond to those statements.

So I had to watch to see if Mama wins. The couple seems very sweet. They have nothing but kind words, and they seem twitterpated even after ten years together. They appear to be in a very loving relationship. They asked the groom what annoyed him most about the bride, and he said the worst thing he could think of was the fact that she always looks at the nutritional facts on foods and counts calories (yeah I hate when people do that *cough*K*cough*). Both of them seem pretty hurt by his family's inability to accept the bride due to her race. He seems to be fairly close to his family, and shows concern for not damaging that relationship, and that is lovely. But I say it's time to cut the apron string. When you are a grown man, you can listen to your Mama, and respect your Mama, but Mama shouldn't tell you who to marry.


I loved the scene where the groom told his parents they were thinking of getting married and mamma's response is "You didn't give me much time, did you." They've been dating for TEN YEARS. Although I suppose what she really meant was that he did not have a long enough engagement for her to talk him out of it. The groom asked Mama what her problem with his bride was, and she said her problem was essentially "the way that she presented herself when she first came." She tells the camera that this means "she doesn't know how to cook, she doesn't know how to clean. He did everything. And I had a problem with that." She also told the camera that"In the Carolinas, racism is very much alive.... (Inter-racial marriage is) really not acceptable in the south." I have never been to the South, but I've heard this before. I don't doubt that there are still issues with racism in that part of the country. In fact, even if I have not observed any blatant and open racism in Seattle firsthand in years, I don't doubt that it is alive and thriving here. There are stupid people everywhere. But, at this point in history, are these feelings a reason to avoid a marriage that could thrive and succeed? Should the fact that people disapprove stop you from doing something if you know it's not wrong?


Of course, there was a showdown where the bride and groom go meet with Mama to seek peace before the big day. Mama tells pretty much a bold-faced lie when she says "I don't have no hatred in my heart for you, I just don't like your ways." In words that I'm sure would have had feminists everywhere howling, if there were in fact people besides me watching this show, Mama said that she will accept the bride if she will take the time to cook and learn to be a 'proper' wife. She goes on to say that not enough women know how to cook and take care of things for their husbands, and that's why so many women have such a hard time keeping their men. Wow. I have not met an actual person like that. Not to that degree. You see them on TV and in books, but she was dead serious. Cooking and cleaning to contribute to the household is nice, but it's a two-way street, I say. From there Momma went on to call her a liar (she never really would specify what she was lying about), and a tattle-tail (probably for telling the groom that Mama called her a White Devil). The "discussion" culminated in the bride telling Mama she heard her call her "snowflake" and "the white devil." When Momma heard the words white devil, she looked at her and said, "well you are." And then told the bride to stop crying when her eyes welled up. Dra-ma.


As an aside, let me just tell you, the hoochy girl hitting on him at their combined bachelor/bachelorette party boggled my mind. I'm thinking that particular party might not have been the appropriate time to tell him she wanted to toast with him to their own relationship instead of making a toast to him and his wife. And then to tell him he should marry someone "more tan" as she batted her fake eyelashes at him.


So the whole thing with this show is they have them walk down the aisle and meet each other there, and they literally decide at the alter if they will go through with it. I'm just going to say it one more time. Drama. I know by looking at them that the bride is ready, but the groom is very conflicted, because he loves his bride and he loves his Mama. At least Mama had the decency to dress up for the wedding. And come. And Daddy is apparently a minister and is conducting the ceremony. But the groom has a look on his face like he's going to jilt her. That would be bad. He's not looking her in the eye, and his "words" he prepared were short, like he was having a hard time getting them out. But when they asked the magic question, he said "I do." Phew. See? Riveting. And now you don't have to feel like you missed it. Plus you have some important discussion points. See, it's almost like a book club.

1. If people disapprove of your actions because of their racist beliefs, should it stop you from doing something if you know it's right and will make you happy?
2. Should Mama get a say in who you marry?
3. Are you a hooch if you hit on a man at his engagement/bachelor party?
4. Are reality shows evil? Why does Holliberry watch them when she knows they are trashy?
5. Is there a point to checking the calories on your favorite treat? Especially at restaurants? Doesn't that take some of the fun out of going out to eat? And why do people think that it's more healthy for you if it's wrapped in a tortilla. It totally isn't. K told me so when she looked at the blasted calorie counts at Red Robin. Also it doesn't taste good.
6. Have I had a hard time keeping (read finding) a man because I don't cook and clean enough? I bake things. and I just cleaned my room just today. Okay, it still needs a good vacuuming, but it's not too trashy in here. You can walk and everything.

Discuss.