I'm Sure This Will Surprise You...

but the truth is, I hate Valentine's Day. Shocking, right? And, no, it's not because it's a holiday created by stores who want our money, blah, blah, blah.... I feel convinced that the people who say this (and I swear they are all people who have Somebody) are only saying this because they are cheap. There, I've said it. And now my trip to Alice and the Hatter's house has probably been canceled due to Too Much Making Fun. I kid, I swear. Please don't withhold the baby.

I believe that there should be as many reasons for people to buy me things as possible. I'm not opposed to commercialism if it benefits me personally. I'm still wondering why you didn't buy me a New Year's present, by the way. It was kind of thoughtless of you. I'm just saying. So, no, that's not the reason I hate Valentine's Day.

It's not even the disgusting displays of affection on MyFace. Although, seriously, I don't care how much you love your Baby, or how much your Baby loves you, or what your Baby gave you, or where you went with your Baby. Not on February 14th, or any other day of the year. All that happiness makes me want to puke. Just so you know. Was that too honest? Sometimes I get to honest. Some of you may recall the incident with the yarn.

What I hate is that everyone asks you what you are doing for Valentine's Day. And then after Valentine's Day, they ask you what you did. And they all swap stories and compare what their sweethearts did or said or whatever. And talk about how romantic and thoughtful they are or aren't the rest of the year. And if you're REALLY lucky, they ask you why you're single. And pat you on the shoulder and tell you that you will find someone. And suggest that you join an internet dating site. Because maybe if you Put Yourself Out There you will find Someone. Gosh, I never thought of that. Sounds fun, no?

If you had just sent me some chocolate and flowers, we could have avoided this tirade.