Why? Why? Why?

So, hypothetically, say a person were to leave their headlights on overnight, through no fault of their own, because the chime doesn't work, through no fault of my, er, their own. And say their car is parked nose in, with things on both side of them. How, I ask you, is this hypothetical person supposed to jump their car battery? Especially when the brilliant, brilliant jumper cable manufacturers don't make standard jumper cables that stretch the whole length of a car. Why wouldn't they make them to stretch the length of a car? If your car, hypothetically, was parked at a downhill slant, it's kind of hard to just pop it in neutral and roll your car back so your battery is within range of another person's battery.

Jumper cable manufacturer, you should pay me money and I will tell you how to make your product. I'm just full of good thoughts today!

Misused Terms for 100, Alex.

People need to be educted on the correct use of the term "guilty pleasures." I hereby appoint myself to be your teacher. Yes, I'm talking to you. YOU. Right there.

(Brief intermission while I sing along with the Mini Sirloin Burgers commercial again... look at the tiny cows! They're so TINY!)

You see, class, guilty pleasures are things that you are a little bit embarrassed to admit you like, if you admit it at all. I just read the longest post (okay, I read the first sentence of the longest post and then navigated away in disgust) about the A Team being a guilty pleasure for uncounted masses. Um, I do not feel guilty. I embrace the A-Team. And I pity the fool who thinks there is need for shame.

Also, fetish. So many people say fetish when they really mean aversion. Example, if you don't like the sight of feet, don't want to touch them, and would like to lob everyone's off, you have an AVERSION to feet, not a foot fetish. A foot fetish is where you LIKE feet, want to touch them, and possibly lick them. Imagine what kind of random google hits my blog will get now.

Your assignment: Write a 200 word essay on what a guilty pleasure is, with examples. I want it on my desk by tomorrow.

Class dismissed.

PEOPLE.

You cannot be doing things willy nilly on the web when it comes to working with pictures and contact info of your friends. Just googled myself-- figured it would be good to see what the top hits are right now since I'm job searching. One of the top five hits was a church directory that listed my address (albeit an old one), my cell phone number, and my picture. Um, have we heard of privacy settings? So irritated right now. I love you, my Mormons, and most of you are not naive, but seriously, do we need to teach a class in this? I don't even post most of that info to MyFace, and that is set to the highest privacy settings. Be smarter. Rant done. For now.

To the Girls in the Back Row

I know that you have important things to talk about. There's that one cute boy that texted "hi." There's the way your feet look in your new pointy shoes. There is also the topic that the group is discussing in this very room. The discussion led by the speaker up front. What? You can't join in? Why not? Oooooh. Because you don't know what the topic is. Why is that? Because you were talking? Hmm. Trying to think of a solution.... Because I know your discussion in the back of the room is very important. And we wouldn't want to interfere with that discussion. Maybe we could have the speaker talk quieter? Or shorten his/her lesson/speech/discussion plan so you have sufficient time for your discussion? I know that we will come up with something. Because that text? So important. These are the details that will impact THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Like, what did that "hi" mean? Was it a group text, out of boredom, or did that "hi" come from his heart? I'm certain that the speaker can have nothing to say that compares to the weighty conversation you are holding. Well, I mean, that's obvious. Because why else would you have the conversation in the middle of a group of people, who are all trying to participate? Obviously whatever you are discussing is so important, it can't wait for 20 minutes. SO important, the speaker would agree that it is not inconsiderate at all that you are discussing it while he/she leads the discussion, because his/her hours of preparation are NOTHING to the gravity of your situation. I mean, WHAT will you text back?

Just one more and then I'll stop... I can stop whenever I want...

I just CHOOSE to post youtube videos. I can stop anytime I want to. I'm going to stop. Tomorrow.

Because...

My sister SusieQ thinks I post too many youtube videos. I don't know what she is talking about.

Things I have decided today:
1. McDonald's snack wraps look disgusting.
2. Claire's hair looks like a wig tonight on Heroes
3. Sunflower seeds should always be in salads. They have vitamin E. That means they are healthy and counterbalance the pizza I ate.
4. I need a regular cadbury egg. Why don't the stores have them? What is wrong with them?
5. If I close the door and there is no one there to see it, then surely the mess does not exist.

Laid Off is a Four Letter Word... Followed by a Three Letter Word...

I'm officially unemployed. Anyone got a job for me? In Washington?

On the bright side, I'll have time to sit in front of my tv and discover things like the below clip, which apparently came out like two months ago.




They are tiny and bold! I want one! A mini cow, not a mini cowboy, not that there's anything wrong with mini cowboys.

Things I Liked About My Job

1. Being paid.
2. Having my own office.
3. Occassionally being fed by my boss. She could put together a mean salad bar.
4. Getting to play and get paid.
5. Going camping and getting paid.
6. Hanging out with cool teenagers and getting paid.
7. Going to a camp where there is a mile and a half of beach front, four hundred acres, heated cabins, my own shower, and lots of trees, and getting paid.
8. Working with nice people.
9. Getting to take snow days when the school district took snow days.
10. Becoming friends with people who believe that volunteering their time to make a positive impact in the lives of children is valuable and worth taking a night off the couch.

Nothing Better than a Liberry.

I know that there's lots of resources, nowadays, what with the Internet and all, but it is still baffling to me that there are people who do not use libraries. Are you people on crack? Let me educate you on why the library is Heaven on Earth.

If it's like my library system, it has all kinds of goodies online.

1. If I want to read a book, I can go online, look it up, and put it on hold. I can pick the library in the county I want it delivered to, and I will get an email notifying me when it arrives. How cool is that?

2. I have exhausted a lot of my favorite authors' published titles (especially the ones that are dead), so I am constantly looking for new good reads. In my library system, you can subscribe to an RSS feed that gives you updates on books in categories you have interest in. I just discovered this feature, and given my new found love of RSS feeds, now that I've figured out how to use them, this is very exciting.

3. You can find books by looking at lists of various award recipients for leads.

4. If I had homework I could get help from reputable sources. Like for instance you could use a database instead of Wikipedia for a source when writing a resource paper. Just a thought.

5. They have free programs, including some fun little story times if you have kids. I like free stuff.

6. I could join a book club. Not that I will, but it's nice to know that I could.

7. They have free meeting rooms, which I have used for work. Very handy.

8. I'm poor, and I can check out books, or books on CD to entertain me when I am driving to meetings for work, and it is all free, unless I forget to turn something in on time. I'm all for free entertainment.

Besides the fabulous free resources that I have just listed at my local library, the REAL reason I like the library is because it makes me smart, or at the very least keeps my brain from turning to complete mush. Also, reading books can broaden your perspective, and some books I might not buy, but have checked out form the library and read and quite enjoyed.

For instance, I grew to consider the aftermath of slavery in the U.S. differently when I read about it from a child's point of view in Elijah of Buxton. In Junior High school, I grew to view the Holocaust from a more personal angle after reading The Diary of Ann Frank. And recently, my perspective on the Japanese internment camps in the U.S. during World War II through my reading of The Magic of Ordinary Days. I'm not saying that my opinion was changed by the reading of these books, because I've always thought that the treatment of the group of people in each of those three groups at those times was deplorable, but it personalized it, and made me view the pieces of history as having impacted specific people, instead of just a mass I could consider at a distance.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that if you don't have a library card, and use it, I'm not certain we can be friends anymore.

Stout Hearted (Wo)Man

Recently I've been able to be a little helper and help edit some of Alice's papers for a communications class she is taking for school. She recently sent me a little survey asking questions about her so that she could assess how much she discloses about herself to other people. I think that on the whole, she discloses about 75% more than I do with most people. If you are in my "circle of trust" as my sister calls it, you get to hear more about my personal life. But if you are not, you don't know nearly as much about me as you think you do. Don't ask me why, but I don't like to disclose. I have nice little compartments I keep the different parts of my life in, and I like it that way, thank you very much. I am noticing I am relaxing a little bit as I get older. I think it's because I"m caring a little less as time goes on who knows what, because if they are going to judge me, I don't like them anyways.

I found some of the questions intriguing, and almost made her do one for me to see how well she answers the questions for me. In fact, still might. Think I'm gonna. Excuse me while I go email. Okay, a few lucky people have now been officially harrassed. If you didn't get one, don't cry too much.

So finally to my point. I liked the question what does it take courage for Hollibery to do, and I would like to practice disclosing and tell you that the following takes me courage to do:
1. Stand up to mean men. Although if they tick me off enough they help me override that initial fear. I don't like bullies. They make me mad. But that's a topic for another time.
2. Kill spiders.
3. Go somewhere high up without a railing, or a safety belt, or a window, or all three.
4. Stand up for myself in arguments with friends.
5. Use bathrooms that aren't clean.

And in conclusion, my mind, when pondering the subject of courage, is of course drawn to this:


This is what the song is supposed to sound like:



Of course, both of those clips just make me miss this:

BYU Men's Chorus. Despite most of them moving like white boys in this particular clip, they are amazing, and I am going to marry them.

Die, ER, Die

If I have to see one more commercial for a Very Special ER I'm going to have to write a very stern letter to someone. Seriously? I don't care if all the doctors are coming back. It's only made more sappy by the fact that at least one of them DIED and he still came back. Apparently it wasn't a very serious Fatal Cancer. And, no, I don't want to know how they got around that.