If You Were Stranded on a Desert Island

I have always thought questions that start with "if you were stranded on a desert island..." are slightly stupid. This might be partly owing to the fact that I am a detail person. If you give me a rule to follow, I will ask for clarification. You say that there is no eating in bed? What about if I'm sitting on my bed, and it is made? May I eat there? Is this a specific bed, or beds in general? What is the consequence if I break this rule? How will you monitor this? It's not that I'm a rule breaker, because I am generally a rule follower. But I need to know all the details so I can follow the rule properly. I'm not this anal in all situations. I think that this attention to detail springs mostly from supervising adults who are skilled at finding the loophole in everything. I need to know what the answers to the what-ifs are. Otherwise when that situation comes up, I turn all dumb, and get backed into the corner, and give a really stupid answer. And I don't like that feeling.

But I digress. My point is, if you ask what I would take with me if I were stranded on a desert island, I would have questions. To name a few:

1. If I knew I were going to be stranded, why would I get on the boat/plane that was going to strand me. Do I look that stupid?
2. Is there assurance I will be rescued, and if so, what kind of time period are we talking here? Would one novel hold me over, or would I need to take a library of books.
3. Would a library count as one item? It's not plural.
4. Am I alone, or is there anyone there with me? Like, say, a hot guy for eye candy that I want to look good for, or some mad skilled survivalist person who can build a raft out of dental floss and car tires, complete with rudder and sail.
5. Is there a certain number of things I can take with me?
6. Have I built a base tan in anticipation of being in the sun, or am I going to fry?
7. Is there food on this island? Like bananas, or wild boar?
8. Could my one thing be a satellite phone, or a chopper complete with pilot, or a yacht complete with captain?
9. There aren't going to end up being "others" on this island, are there?

Last week I polled a few friends who were asked what item I would take if stranded on a desert island. I got the following answers:
1. laptop
2. plane
3. high heels

I personally think the person who said plane knows me best. I mean, come on. If I had a plane I could run out for groceries and stuff when I got bored of being fanned with palm fronds by the hot guy I've been stranded with. A close second is the person who said heels. Because, hello. Hot guy. They could come in handy. Also you could squish bugs with them. But my computer? It holds practically no juice in the battery. I'm assuming that desert islands don't have wifi or electrical outlets. So, no, sillies, I wouldn't give the answer computer. Here are the ten things I would bring, if ten was the magic number, in order of importance.

1. Water, because sometimes desert islands don't have clean water sources.
2. Matches, a lighter, or at least steel wool and some batteries. Because I'm an amazing outdoors woman, yes, but I really don't want to do the whole creating friction to start a fire thing. I would be SO crabby by the time I got to eat.
3. Sunscreen. Because again, sunburn equals crabby. Also it damages your skin, and I'm determined not to have any more wrinkles than I have already accrued.
4. A good book. Or a library if I get to count that as one thing.
5. A chef. Because that would make it a total vacation, if I could have gourmet coconut and papaya roasted boar.
6. A friend to entertain me. Who wants to volunteer? (Keep in mind I have apparently placed you in importance below the chef, but that means that there would be a chef. So at least that sweetens the pot)
7. Sunglasses. I hate when the sun makes me squint. Like for instance this afternoon, coming out of church, the sun was out for at least a good twenty minutes, and it was totally bright. So disorienting.
8. Paper and pen set (see, a set is one thing) so I can write my own version of the Swiss Family Robinson in the form of my island memoirs. Mine will be SO much cooler because me and my buddy of mid-level importance will have a chef. And sunglasses. What could be better?
9. A yacht. For when I get bored of my island and want to move on to the next one. Also to house my movie theatre packed with all my favorite movies and TV shows on DVD.
10. My contact care kit so I'm not so blind I cannot see how hot my chef and/or the yacht crew are. Also so I can see if this island happens to have spiders or large bugs. But I prefer to think it would not.

Here's a question for you to ponder. What is my idea of the perfect gift? Email or comment what you think my idea of the perfect gift is, and also what your idea of the perfect gift is. Let's play the who knows Holliberry game.