Kermit's New 'Do

With extreme Seattle weather, Kermit* was feeling a little extreme himself.

Note the way Kermit's faux hawk elongates his head,
creating the appearance that he is slimmer and taller.

*Kermit resides on my car antenna. KJ brought him to me from disneyland- I think I've had him over a year now.

Best. Gift. Ever.

I got the best present for Christmas this year.

Apparently Little Man (who will be 3 in February and is, in my unbiased opinion, the brightest little boy in the world -except maybe Little Brother, who has already demonstrated his incredible wit by peeing on Auntie A twice in one day, and smiling unabashedly the second time) felt very strongly that he needed to get it for me. Talk about a thoughtful gift.

The Thing about MyFace

I would just like to point out that just because you have most of your stuff set to private on MyFace, if your friends are not setting things to private, people can totally stalk you. Your interactions with that person are like delicious little clues.

The Big Snow '08: Adventures in a Marshmallow World.

There have been rumors in this area that we might actually have a blizzard. I think, if rumors serve me correctly, it will not actually touch my specific area, but more up in the foothills. But since I haven't actually been watching the local news or reading about it, I'm just going on what I hear. So apparently there really MIGHT be a big snow. But I like to think that the snow we have already is large in spirit.

Today K, MommaK (K's mom), and I went on a little jaunt up north to my favorite shopping area, and I can now say that I have been shopping up there, although there was not much actual shopping done. There was much sitting, however. Also, MommaK did a little ice skating performance in the parking lot of one shop we actually made it into. We sat in our car in the very slow traffic and waited for someone to move, and probably spent at least half an hour traveling the four blocks to the freeway entrance. The slow traffic was partially attributable to the popularity of this area for Christmas shopping. It was also partially attributable to some stupid people and some cautious people trying not to crash into each other on the thick layer of compacted snow and black ice on the roads. Because snow in this area basically changes roads and freeways into a huge bumper car arena. As we waited our turn to get through a light, we heard sirens.

There was a police car driving in the opposite direction as us, and instead of ten billion cars going our direction towards the freeway entrance, he only had to get around 10 cars, not going towards the freeway, which apparently contained stupid people. He was having a hard time getting around the cars, and all of the sudden we hear the officer in the police car on the loudspeaker. K unrolled her window to see who was getting yelled at, and we heard the patient officer say "Move to the right. TO THE RIGHT." and then, singsong "To the right, right, right." I kind of expected him to jump out of his car and break into dance. The car moved over, and he was able to pass. He's my favorite cop now.

A Brief History of our Holidays

Recent discussion
K: Remind me what month you're going to Florida?
H: President's Day weekend.
K: What month is that?
H: President's Day weekend month...
K: And what month is that?
H: February...
K: I thought that was Martin Luther King month...
H: No, that's January.
K: But February is Black History Month, I know that
H: No, that's January.
K: Are you sure?
H: Nyyyooooo.

*This conversation was brought to you by the public education system. Also lack of sleep.

The Big Snow of '08

Finally, the snow has arrived! Today we have what I shall forever call The Big Snow of 08. Two or three inches, at least. Last night it started snowing sometime around midnight, and K and I were very excited! We sat in the dark at the window and watched the snowflakes come down, with our Christmas music playing in the background. It was very festive. Then we saw this man walking up the hill at the entrance in front of our aparment.

And then we saw him come back down.At first, he didn't make it very far, because the snow was still pretty thin on the hill. We could see him kicking his little feet to try to get further. But after a while he really did well. He almost gave up half way through, but K felt that she needed to cheer him on, and so she opened our window, and, I'm sure to the delight of our neighbors, yelled as quietly as possible "don't give up!" And so he turned around and kept going for a while. He and K had a little exchange, and we learned that he was "getting it ready for his kid." (To which K said "no you're not!"

The next day we did see a family out with the same tube, but not dad.

It's so fun, because our apartment is situated right by the entrance of the complex, and there is a big hill at the entryway. The staff will cone it off when it gets too icey so that people won't try to drive on it (black ice is bad), and the kids will all bring their sleds or plastic bags or what have you, and sled down the hill. It's fun to watch.

I just wanted to make sure that you are aware that I could be walking in a winter wonderland right now. Not that I am. But I totally could be.

The good news is I have lots of cocoa mix. I had some last night while K and I sat in the dark, listening to Christmas music and cheering on sledding man.

Look, It's Richard!

Merry Christmas :)

I have a confession to make...

So, my very nice friend who also has a blog recently posted a survey, asking "What is Your Favorite Part of Christmas." The choices are:

1. the Christmas Spirit
2. Gifts
3. Christmas music
4. Christmas decorations
5. A little of everything
6. None of the above.

What would you pick? I happened upon this survey soon after it had been posted, and was delighted to see that I was the first to vote. You see where the temptation lies, don't you? Okay, maybe you are not a trouble maker like me and you would not antagonize your dear, sweet, (did I mentioned forgiving :) ) friend....

I picked gifts. That first vote was last week. The poll still has a few days to go, and I'm sure she is too polite to post a WHAT?!? HOW GREEDY ARE YOU??? post about that first vote, but now she can rest assured that it was just me. And I am greedy. But I also like the decorations, the food, the music, and the religious stuff. I just can't seem to restrict my trouble-making to church meetings.

Exercising Experts Agree

It's important to work off those turkey pounds on Thanksgiving. Note the technique.

As Little Man demonstrates here, be sure to fully extend your legs and arms, arching the back ever so slightly. Next, step up onto the other step of the elyptical, and repeat the extension exercise. After dismount, it's time for pie.

Blogger's Block.

I have blogger's block. What should I write about?

Never Throw Things At Me. Just Trust Me.

People should be careful about making me play those bonding games. You know, like the one where you hold a ball of yarn, and toss it around the circle at each other, retaining your piece of string, and when it's your turn you say something deep and meaningful. Generally this is The Friendship Web. But this Sunday, the woman's group at my church played it, and we were Knitting Together with Love. You know, like in the Bible. This was a lovely idea. The ball was tossed to and fro, and as each participant caught (or retrieved, in some cases) the ball of yarn, they were asked a question which was supposed to give us a glimpse into their soul and help us to love them like a sister.

Problem. I was very crabby. Sleep-deprived, due to not going to bed until the wee hours the night before in order to maximize my movie watching time, and crabby. So some poor unsuspecting person threw the ball to me. The question? "Are you a crier?" Answer? "No." But I couldn't leave it there. I went on to say that I didn't enjoy crying and couldn't understand why some women liked to have a "good cry." Also, I admitted I don't understand why people cry during Testimony Meeting* at church. At which point, a large gasp passed around the room.

Oh, I'm sorry, did you not mean for me to be that honest? We do seem to have quite a few criers amongst our congregation, come to think of it.

I've been thinking about our little knitted web o' delight ever since. My profession often leads me to participate in and even lead similar games. I had classes in college where we created binders full of such games. My boss has actually led us in a similar exercise several times, with great success. While it's never been my most favorite activity, I never cringed as much as I did when they pulled the ball of yarn out on Sunday. Upon reflection, I realized I have a little pearl of wisdom to share. And since I also know how irritating it is when people get all nit-picky about meetings/activities they did not plan (not that I ever have people do that to me...), I decided that instead of talking to the leaders of the activity, I would just post about it on my blog, all private-like. 'Cause I'm that kind of classy.

My pearl is this: these types of activities are meant to be trust-building exercises, and you are supposed to build upon the relationships already established. Since many of us had not established relationships, it was actually a dangerous game to play. Crazy people like me would say offensive things that those who do not know me would interpret as meaning I am a rude, rude person. Okay, that part might be true. But my point is this. You have to start with the simple questions (name, favorite color, what college you went to, how you react when balls of yarn are brought out), and build that rapport before you start asking the deep questions. Because I don't want to talk to strangers about my crying habits. Or what my hidden talents are. Or my most embarrassing moment. And I also am not going to tell you about a break-up, or what kind of man I want to marry. We're not all extroverts, people. That's actually not my idea of fun. Get to know your Crazies before you put the spotlight on them. That is my advise to you.

*Note: Once a month during our main church meeting on Sunday where we take the Sacrament, we have a Testimony Meeting where members can go up to the podium and share with the congregation their testimony, or their belief in Jesus Christ and the thoughts on their faith and what they know to be true. It can be a very uplifting and inspiring hour. And sometimes some member, usually a woman, will plow through a box of Kleenex during their testimony.

Thank You Very Much

At this time of year, Love of Our Fellow Man is a common theme. My mind is drawn at this time to the lovely sentiments expressed at this funeral:

This is Business, People

I'm having a nice, peaceful evening at my local internet cafe, complete with entertainment. And by entertainment I mean a large group of artsy people who have apparently formed a nonprofit* who are having a little run-in with their board, and they are having a little strategy meeting in response to some emails and yelling matches with board members. Because the board is being unreasonable. Oh, and also mean. Because "people can be so mean!"

They are using some highly techinical legal talk, like:

• I would like to interject...
• I think we should agree to be more communicative.
• Dude, what's your damage
• Katie will be holding the talking stick.
• It's a dysfunctional family where we're the black sheep who no one's talking to but the middle brother. (totally deep analogy, if you ask me. They must have some tense Thanksgiving dinners. And what will they all do when grandpa dies? Imagine that will reading!)
• Also, there was the requisite use of the Lord's name in vain. Because the inaccurate emails on the website are JUST that serious
• Oh, shiz! (when did we start talking about Wicked?)
• Not to negate that effort...
• We never signed an agreement prior to the acquisition regarding the condition of the materials (in other words if the couch is ripped we aren't responsible)
• Those internal paragraphs...
• The language you have on the website is so inviting and so inspiring and so FABULOUS. (it does look fairly professional, I see. But I still don't want join.)
  

There is one token male** that has literally spoken once in the last hour. Poor guy. Somebody needs to buy him a treat or something. We've got a speech rate that is reminiscent of the Gilmore Girls (minus the witty conversation), and a mood level that indicates that these girls may in fact have similar monthly schedules, if you know what I mean.

Also, the word heresay has been pulled out. We're getting serious now, kids.

And finally, the key is that they are not offended by what they (the board) wrote. They are the reasonable ones.

When you are disturbing my internet cafe computer time, I blog about you. And also become slightly stalkerish (see notes below).

*Note: Be careful what you are talking about in public when potential stalkers could be present. They've said the name of their non-profit ten million times. I found their website. I know where they work now. I know who these mean, mean board members are. Could totally email them (that is, if the emails on the website are accurate.) The internet is a magical and scary place. Also, if I heard them use the word Collective one more time, I'm going to go over there and... take their talking stick away.
** Token Male went to BYU. The things you learn when people give too much information in an internet cafe where you can google them for more fodder for your blog.

Totally a Slacker

I got my first Christmas card today. Totally cute. Thanks KJ. :)

Yesterday I got my first Christmas letter, from Mr. B. Um, Mr B, I am fairly certain you did not tell me you were having a baby. Where did this baby come from? But cute letter.

What this all comes down to is that I am a slacker. I haven't even gathered all my addresses yet. I might be stripped of my title as Christmasaholic if this keeps up.

i'm gonna live forever. I'm gonna learn how to fly.

So apparently according to a little online test i found, I'm going to live until the ripe old age of 81. And if I could get my hiney to the gym, I could add like 6 or 7 years to that. It's all due to my devout mormon lifestyle, I think. I don't drink, I don't smoke, what do I do?

I do not wear my shirt quite so stylishly, either.

*Note: Maybe it's that my standards are high for dancing, or maybe it's that choreography has become more important to current bands, but does this not seem like the silliest performance ever? The "vogue" girls drive me crazy. K could tell you what dance they could be doing to that music. It's so danceable and they all just sit there and pose. I got news for you, buddy. You do not look cool.

Wuv. True Wuv!

Wuv is what bwings us togetha today.

Last night I went through an old box of stuff my mom found in their garage. It was pretty much the silliest box of saved stuff I have looked through yet. Mostly it was a bunch of stuff that I should have recycled, were it not for the fact that there was no such thing as curbside recycling (at least in my neighborhood) when I packed it. My favorite was the notebook I carried most places with me when I was 12 or 13. There was page upon page of the most creative game known to teenage girl.

In order to play this game, write your name and the name of your current crush (or all of their names, if they change daily) on the top of the paper. Then, write out the words true love below, and count the number of times those letters appear in your name. Like so:

Holliberry Guttersnipe
T- 2 L- 2
R- 3 O- 1
U- 1 V- 0
E- 3 E- 3

Add the letters together, and then repeat with all other names you want to try. You can check crushes, semi-cute guys, and repulsive guys (the last just for giggles). Then, be sure to check the numbers for every other person you can think of, so you can find out who is Meant to Be Together.

Most importantly, save the results for the next 15-20 years.

Holiday Memories

This year I volunteered to make the pies and the homemade rolls for our family Thanksgiving Feast. Very homemakery of me, right? You are probably all kinds of impressed. You should be impressed. Just in case that alone does not impress you, let me walk you through last year.

The night before Thanksgiving I baked three lovely pies. I believe that there was a trip to the grocery store at some point, after realizing that not only did I not have a pastry blender to make the crust, but I didn't have a rolling pin. After getting the kitchen supplies under control, I commenced pie baking. My philosophy with baking is generally more is more, so I made sure to heap on the apples in my apple pies. I was making two apple pies, one for me, and one to share with my family. (I highly recommend this to anyone baking something yummy to be taken to a large gathering. After all that work, I want more than a piece or two, darnit.) What happened next I blame entirely on K. Somehow it was her fault. She distracted me. I'm sure of it.


As my lovely pies baked, I would peak in on them occassionaly to ensure that they reached the perfect state of golden brown. As they neared the end of their time in the oven, I took a final peak. Cracking open the oven door, I encountered what some might define as a large billow of smoke. I prefer to call it a small cloud of steam. The smoke alarm in the kitchen, I will assure you, works. Said alarm sounded. K found it incredibly amusing that I took the batteries out to resolve the noise issue.


My pies were not burnt. They looked great. Possibly a little lopsided, but they tasted fine. The steam was rising from the bottom of the oven, where some of the many juices from my delectable pies had dripped. Turns out when your pies are too juicy, sugary juices will pool at the bottom of the oven, brown to a lovely molasses color, and then the sugar will crystalize. Also, steam will rise. Oh, and it might not smell as good as the pie. For some reason K still thinks of this every time I bake. Small incident, I say. In fact, I don't think incident is the right word. Moment. It was a small moment in the Holiday Tapestry of 2007.


So I went to bed, possibly fairly late in the evening, having left the task of baking the rolls to complete the following morning. What could be better than to bake the rolls fresh, and take them, still warm from the oven, over to the house where Thanksgiving was being held. The next morning I began the process of mixing the homemade rolls, combining sugar, water, and yeast to disolve together. Next I was supposed to put in a few other ingredients, like shortening, eggs, and salt. I was doing great until the eggs. You know how in Home Ec. they always said you should crack your eggs into a seperate bowl in case there was egg shell to be fished out, or a strangely defective egg? I am here to recommend that you do that every time you bake. I cracked egg number one into the yeasty mix, and discovered what a rotten egg smells like. I only had two eggs, which was the amount I needed, and I'm sure egg number two was rotten as well. I also had no more yeast, having cracked a rotten egg into the yeast/water/sugar mixture. Immediate action had to be taken.



I ran out to my car and pulled out of my parking space, determined to run to the store and back in ten minutes and remedy my roll situation. As I took a left out of my parking lot, I noticed there was a strange dragging sensation as I accelerated. Pulling my car over, I got out and assessed the situation. The tire was indeed flat.

Fortunately my dad required me to learn how to change a tire years ago when I started driving, and I have changes many tires since then for different reasons. I walked my unshowered self in my flour-covered sweats and t-shirt with my greasey unshowered hair around to my trunk and dug out my little spare donut and my car jack. I commenced the tire changing process, as neighbors drove by and man-truck after man-truck passed me. FINALLY someone stopped to help. It was a woman, probably in her 40's who obviously understands The True Meaning of Thansgiving. I was a little crabby by this point, and a little panicked that I would not even make it to Thanksgiving dinner on time. She took pity on my aggravated state and just about changed my tire for me.

When my car was once again in working order, I got in , drove to the store, bought the first bag of rolls that I saw, and went home to shower, change, load up the pies, and go to my parents' house for dinner. I do believe I pretty much got there in time for dinner. And I am fairly certain not one person ate a roll.

What I Did On My Thanksgiving Vacation: Day 1

Today only really half counts as a vacation day, because I did go into work this morning. But I got to leave early this afternoon, and have already felt the joy that vacation brings.

So far, I have taken myself out to lunch at a local Thai restaurant, because I have recently discovered that I heart curry. I took a book with me and ate all alone. It's actually quite liberating to eat in a restaurant alone. You should try it. I would have eaten lunch with a friend, but everyone is either too far away, or they didn't answer their phones. Shame on you all!

Next, I came home, fully intending to spend a quiet afternoon listening to soothing chick music I downloaded on my computer, while reading the very interesting book, "Why Gender Matters," by Leonard Sax. It has fascinating information on the differences between the ways boys and girls think and feel with scientific data to back it up, PLUS it makes me look like a smart person because it's non-fiction, and smart people read non-fiction books. (And no, you can't put "so why does gender matter?" in my comment section. K's got that question covered. She asks me at least once a week... it's taken me a while to get around to reading it).

I got distracted from the smart people book and chick music, though. I was not even intending to log onto the internet, but pretty much if I log onto my computer it logs on to the internet, so I was technically online already, and then I decided to maintain the status of Favorite Aunt (even kids not related by blood want to be my neices and nephews, I'm that cool), and I got online and found an e-card to send to Jumping Bean. He especially needed a card because after quite a long streak of thoroughly not enjoying school, he is beginning to show amazing improvement and even enthusiasm for school. Totally calls for a hoops&yoyo card. Of course it took about an hour for me to choose said hoops&yoyo card.

So now here I sit, in my comfy beanbag, listening to my chick music, and blogging. Which means that I am not reading my smart people book. But I'm on vacation so I'm totally on task. My task, of course, being to relax and not worry about things.

I was talking to Jenna last night, and we were talking about vacation philosophies. Jenna feels that there are two basic philosphies about vacations, with different shades of those philosophies along the vacation philosphy spectrum. On one end are the people who believe that vacation is for relaxing, which means doing whatever you darn well please, even if that involves sleeping in until noon in your hotel in an exciting city. On the other end are the people that believe that when you are on vacation, you have to be DOING something ever minute in order to fully savor the vacation, which means time in the hotel room is a waste of time. I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I am totally okay with the fact that I have not accomplished anything substantial this afternoon, like vacuuming out my yucky car, or cleaning my floor where my purse puked on it, or balancing my checkbook. I do have those tasks on my list of things to complete during my vacation time, because I do enjoy feeling all organized. But I also enjoy ignoring all my duties. Because this bean bag is comfy. And I'm more relaxed than I've been in months.

The other thing I COULD have been doing if not for stupid WB is watching the 6th Harry Potter Movie. Because apparently it was originally scheduled to be released today, but they pushed it back till next summer because it made more sense financially. Lame. So instead of watching the movie, you should watch this. Because we all need to keep a little Harry in our life.



Not over here, not over there...

I Love Hugh

I had a roommate freshman year who would mouth "olive juice" to people, because apparently it looks like you are saying "I love you" from across the room. I guess I'm odd, because I'd never heard that before then. I guess it's like saying I love Hugh. Except that when I say that, I mean Hugh Jackman, who was just named sexiest man alive. Which, hello, not arguing with. Any man who can sing, dance, and do high kicks with the Rockettes, and still be manly enough to play Wolverine, totally sexy.

Manners 101

I feel like my mom taught me to be a good girl. I chew with my mouth closed, I sit like a lady in fragile chairs, and I say please, thank you, and excuse me. Oh, and also, I DON'T MAKE APPOINTMENTS AND THEN STAND PEOPLE UP.

Apparently some people do NOT learn manners. None. Whatsoever. I cannot tell you how many times I have sat in Starbucks, drinking my non-caffeinated-I-am-not-a-jack-mormon-apple-cider*, and waited, and waited, and waited. Excuse me, if you can't come, there's something called a phone. Mind you, sometimes there are legitimate reasons, and everything turns out okay. But mostly they are just standing me up. My time is valuable too, people! I have blogs to write and Pride and Prejudice to be watched for the third time this week (just the scenes where Elizabeth first sees Pemberley and also Darcy turns nice).

Also, when you make a committment, and you have to back out, the proper, polite, considerate thing to do would be to call or email the person you have made the commitment to and let them know you are unable to follow through. What not to do: ignore phone calls, emails, faxes, and letters of person who is trying to figure out if you somehow fell and broke your spleen and really you do want to call them back, you just can't right now. This is rude. No answer is, in fact, not an answer. If you think it is you need to go back to Manners 101.

An actual coffee shop in Utah. Jack Mormon, you see, is a term sometimes used to describe a Mormon who is not living all the tenets of the religion. You know, like the one about not drinking coffee.

P.S. Yippy dog downstairs needs to go.

*Best. Cider. Ever.

Stupid Reasons Not to Read My Blog #2

"I don't read blogs." Possibly the stupidest reason I've ever been given for not reading my blog. What does that even mean? How rude is that?

Indubitably. Indubitably. Indubitably.

I have discovered that I really, really enjoy saying indubitably. Try it out. Now say it really fast. Say it again. See how fun this is? LOVE it. According to dictionary.com, it means to "too apparent to be counted. " As in "indubitably is indubitably fun to say."

What are some other fun words?

This Song Is Totally About Me.

I just took Dr. Phil's personality quiz, and it confirmed what we have always known. I am a vain, self-centered leader. Or, in the words of the quiz summary, "Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you. "

So true. This explains so much, don't you think? Remember that one time?

That's It. No more!

From time to time, I am revolted by the way human beings can treat each other. I hear on the news every now and then how one human being tortured, killed, violated, or in some other way robbed another human being of their dignity, sanity, or even life. Those instances of violence repulse me, and are part of the reason I don't often watch the news. Really there is nothing I can personally do about the incident, and agonizing over the pain of those people, and poking into their private pain through the media, doesn't really help anyone. But some things that happen in the world are just so wrong, and so damaging, that I wonder if there isn't something we, as human beings, should be doing, instead of standing by and shaking our heads and turning the channel. I have run across a couple stories on cnn.com in the last few weeks that have left me dumbstruck.

One horrifying incident that caught my attention was the stoning of a thirteen year old girl in Somalia. This girl told officials in her area that she had been raped by three men, and as a result, she was dragged, screaming for mercy, to a "killing hole," burried up to her neck, and stoned to death by fifty men while a thousand specators looked on (according to un.org) for being an adulterer. Oh, and the rapists weren't charged.

The second incident happened in Afghanistan. School girls walking to school Wednesday morning were sprayed with water pistols full of acid on their way to school. It seems that in this particular area, girls did not attend school for from 1996-2001, because the area was ruled by the Taliban during that time, and girls were denied education. It's believed that the men who squirted acid on the girls were Taliban militants. At least two of the girls are blind as a result of the attack.

I've actually been thinking about this post for several weeks now, because there are no words. I started out by thinking these were crimes against women, and that this was a hideous pattern involving the women of our world not receiving the respect and honor that they should. While I know those circumstances exist, I realized that this is something else, equally repulsive and appalling. These are CHILDREN. School girls. The girl who was stoned was 13. The schoolgirls burned by acid were probably about that same age. All I can think to write is, what is WRONG with people. While researching the two incidents, I've come to a realization. What I realized was that none of us like to hear about these incidents. They are unpleasant, and they make us feel uncomfortable and powerless. I believe that this is part of the reason we don't hear much about them. Maybe this is naive of me, but what if we all paid attention? If this were something that we as human beings cared about and and vigilently opposed, wouldn't the people in power do something about it? Wouldn't it become a priority to them? Shouldn't we do something?

I Heart Lists!

I found a new little list/quiz to do! My life is complete!

*FOODOLOGY*
What is your salad dressing of choice? Ranch. Especially the yummy garlicky ranch at Cheesecake Factory that probably has 2000 calories in one drop, hence the yumminess.
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? The kind with good food. I won't discriminate. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Totally the same answer as the blog I found this on, but so true. Avocado. I LOVE avocado. I never knew I would grow to love it so. As a kid it was just weird and green and kind of flavorless. Come to find out, I was totally wrong. And you can put it on everything.
What are your pizza toppings of choice? The kind that make the pizza good. Again, how does one choose? I like pizzas with lots and lots of topping goodness. It does need to have sufficient cheese on it. And I DO enjoy a good white garlic sauce instead of the red sauce. I'll take it either way, though.
What do you like to put on your toast? Cinnamon and sugar or my homemade Strawberry freezer jam I made with my mommy.

*TECHNOLOGY*
What is your wallpaper on your computer? A leaf.
How many televisions are in your house? 3, but only 1 is used, and we still don't have cable, so not used much.
What color cell phone do you have? Red :)

*BIOLOGY*
Are you right-handed or left-handed? right
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? 4 wisdom teeth. That's it. Only surgery I've ever had, and it wasn't done by an oral surgeon, but by my dentist, so I don't think it counts as surgery. I can tell you all about the noises I heard.
What is the last heavy item you lifted? The stupid pop-up canopy that I carried a mile to where we lined up for the parade I staffed for work.
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? No.

*BULLCRAPOLOGY*
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? No. That would give me more time to procrastinate, as I do when I have a deadline. I already find enough excuses to procrastinate. Also it would be kind of depressing.
If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Um, I wouldn't, because I like my name.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000? Am I allowed to puke afterwards? Because it would not stay down. Also wouldn't that make you really sick or something? How big are we talking?

*DUMBOLOGY*
How many pairs of flip flops do you own? one.
Last time you had a run-in with the cops? Um, well, there was the time they took me to the drunk tank last week, and the time they came and told me and K to quiet down or they would break up our raging party....
What do you want to be when you grow up? Independently wealthy and a professional volunteer. Or a travel guide. But still independently wealthy either way.
Last person you talked to? My coworker.
Last person you hugged? Um, someone who gave a LAME hug.

FAVORITOLOGY*
Season? Whatever the current one is, usually. Although I do like having more than two hours of sunshine a day.
Holiday? You will be surprised to learn it is Christmas.
Day of the week? Friday- but only if i don't have to work the next day.
Month? December.

*CURRENTOLOGY*
Missing someone? sure.
Mood? blah.
Listening to? The clock tick in my office.
Watching? The clock, because soon my break will be over and I will be off to a meeting. Worrying about? My recruitment goal and money.

*RANDOMOLOGY*
First place you went this morning? a meeting for work.
What can you not wait to do? Go home.
What's the last movie you saw? Max Payne.
Do you smile often? No. Never. I'm a bitter, bitter girl.

I Am A Christmas-aholic

I am not actually the one who has been putting up the Christmas decorations, it's been K, but she has done it with my full support. Yesterday I came home from work to this:

Note the stockings, hung with care.

I'm okay with this early explosion of Christmas. I enjoy the twinkle of the lights on a Christmas tree, and the cheery sound of a good Christmas song. I have not yet broken out the Christmas music but that just might happen today. I don't get particularly worked up about the commercial part of the holiday. The part of the commercialism that DOES bother me is not actually all the ads and displays that are already out. How am I supposed to start decorating early if I can't go get a Christmas tree or decorations? It's the cheesy, pretending not to be commercial stuff that irritates me. The highly sentimental books that people publish, purporting to be about the "true" meaning of Christmas, do have their place. The part that I find silly is that people who read them and tout them as good buys use as their selling points that they are not about the commercialism that pervades our society, but about the True Meaning of Christmas. Um, is that author not making money? Didn't their highly sappy book getting published help to build their career?

If you are into sappy books, I fully support your decision to collect these Christmas stories. Just please, please, please don't make me sit through a teary reading of them. I prefer sappy Christmas music, thank you very much.

*For those of you concerned that we are missing out on the joy that is Thanksgiving, note the pumpkins mingled in on the mantle and in front of the tv. It's a happy marriage of the two holidays.

The View From My Beanbag

What? Don't you have yours up?

Top 10 Ways to Silence a Yippy Dog

1. Give him something to chew on, like a bone, or his owners shoes, er something.

2. Introduce him to "Frogger."

3. Tranquilizer darts.

4. Lull him to sleep with the dulcet tones of my singing voice (I don't care what you say, K)

5. Give him a huge bowl of peanut butter to eat.

6. Buy him his very own muzzle.

7. Turn on Wishbone. Maybe one of his Austen ones. Because who, even an annoying little yippy dog, is not entertained by Wishbone?

8. Give him a big bowl of water.

(Just keep in mind, she's housebroken, as K's coworker assures us)
Note: the woman laughing hysterically behind the camera is K

9. Shoot him with a squirt gun.

10. Distract my neighbor while he makes his get-away. Be free, little doggy!

See that thing ------------------------>

The poll to the right. You should take it. For my entertainment. Because it will amuse me. And then I will stop. Using incomplete sentences, that is.

Dream a Little Dream

I'm a dreamer. I seem to have quite a few more dreams than my average friend. Here are a few dreams I seem to have a lot:

1. The one where I find myself once again attending my highschool. I haven't had this one in a while, but occasionally it crops up. I am my true age in these dreams, and panicking because I realize that I have had qutie a few absences since I was 18, and I'm not sure how I'll make them up. Sometimes, I am worrying about attending work and classes at the same time. Typically at some point in the dream I'm trying to figure out where I parked my car, which would be confusing indeed since I never drove to school in High School. I also usually come to the realization that as an adult I can sign my own absence slips, and try to work up the courage to skip. But I worry that I will get in trouble with the office for turning in my own absences. And I worry that I will have too many absences to graduate. Mind you, in these dreams I always have my college degree already.

2. The one where I start floating upward, kind of like Charlie and his grandpa in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory, when they have to belch to get down. Only I usually just float higher and higher and higher. At first it's usually fun. At first I can use my super flying powers to fly about, and spy on people, and have a bird's eye view of what's going on. And then it all spins out of control and I just keep floating higher and higher. And then I wake up. Let me tell you, that's a great way to start your day. I wake up feeling like Major Tom.

3. The one where I'm driving down a hill on a curvy road, and I discover I have no brake. It's a pretty short dream. Coincidentally, I generally have that dream in times of stress. Odd.

4. The one where I wake up and see a big black spider in my bed next to my head/on the wall/on the ceiling over me/hanging over me. This one is especially exciting because I will literally get out of bed. I will turn on the lights. I will check under my sheets, down on the floor, and all around. There was one incident where I walked out of my room, went downstairs, got the vacuum to vacuum it up, plugged it in, and ALMOST turned it on. Then it occured to me that my parents might be cranky if I vacuumed over their room at 2 in the morning. Also I realized there was no spider. I usually wake up enough to realize that there is no actual spider. Although sometimes I think he's just hiding....

How to Fix Your Camera

1. Hold camera loosely in hand over cement floor.
2. Drop camera.
3. Exclaim loudly, but do not cuss! (This is the key step)
4. Resume picture taking. You will find that the zoom, menu button, and all other features have decided to work again.

How to Write Good With Grammar

When your writing an announcment with which to inform about people information, here's some tips.

1. Make statements brief, short, to the point, and above all, not repetitive at all, ever.
Sample: "We've come up with this little pumpkin attached to this sheet that will help let the community kids know where they can knock on which doors to trick or treat at, and these are large enough to be visible from teh ground floor so they don't have to climb 3 sets of stairs if not needed."

2. Use, lots, of, commas?
Sample" And hopefully if any neighboring kids in the area come onto the property that will help them too, not to knock on every door, just the ones with pumpkins, once they get the idea."

3. WRITE IN ALL CAPS TO SVE SPCE!
Sample: "THE CLBHSE. WILL BE CLOSED AT 6PM Fri. Oct. 31st due to the staff taking their kids out trick or treating also.

4. When-in-doubt, hyphen-ate.
Sample "Thank-you."

5. Never should you ever deliver your notes that you write yourself at all, but instead, you should have some poor kid pass them out, so nobody will see you, and since they don't, they can keep guessing which one of you people out there in the office, where you work, has the talent which is a blessing for writing stuff like this sometimes.

Something You Might Want to Consider

As you prepare to vote this fall, here are some Very Important Facts you might want to consider:

1. I am most likely to vote for your preferred candidate/party if you send me forwards. Be sure that the forwards include facts about the candidate/party that are definitely true, being that they are in a forward. Also, be sure to send me videos about the candidate/party, appealing to my morals and values. Because if the video tells me that the American Way is to vote for your candidate/party, then it must be true. Also make sure to send me the videos that clear up any confusion I might have about what I am religously bound to do. I love those, as I love all forwards. So be sure to send me lots of forwards.
2. As you make your decision, be sure to base your decision on what the newscasters present as their take on what a candidate says, instead of actually reading/listening to what the candidate has to say. This cuts down on the time you have to spend making your decision. It's much more efficient.
3. If, after you have read the forwards and listened to the newscasters, you might want to mosey on over to your friend's place and talk for at least 10 minutes about who they are voting for. Pick your smartest friend, and then just vote how they are voting. Because I'm sure they listened to at least two or three newscasters to form their opinion.

60 Things about Me

1. What time did you get up this morning?10:30.
2. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I think it was Hellboy 2?
4. What do you usually have for breakfast? Breakfast? Like food before lunch? Do people still do that?
5. What is your favorite TV show? Eenie Meenie Miney Mo. Today I pick Grey's anatomy.
6. What is your middle name? Lorraine.
7. What food do you dislike? Peas. Ew.
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? I'm kind of on a break from music. I'm doing books on cd right now.
9. What kind of car do you drive? A white one.
10. Favorite Sandwich? Anything with cheese and avocado.
11. What characteristic do you despise? I despise lying liars. People lying to me make me more angry than anything
12. Favorite item of clothing? Who cares?
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation: Where would you go? Right now I would go to Hawaii. Or Paris. Oooh... or Italy...
14. Favorite brand of clothing? Esprit, totally.Are we 12?
15. Where would you retire to? Fife. I saw some cute houses in Fife today.
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? Either my last one where my nice friends had my picture of the Eiffel Tower framed for me, or my 19th, when my roommates flew me home from school for Thanksgiving.
17. Favorite sport to watch? Football or baseball- it's best if I'm there. I pay most attention to football of any sport I've tried to watch on tv. Although watching bowling on tv can be fun.
18. Furthest place you are sending this? Utah? I don't think anyone further than Utah reads this....
19. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? They always ask this question. I'm tired of answering it. So instead I'm going to tell you I'm watching the Rescuers right now. Remember Miss Bianca? "R-E-S-C-U-E, Rescue Aid Society!"
20. Person you expect to send it back first? Also, I am thinking about going to get a piece of pie. There's apple pie sitting on my counter. A whole yummy pie for two dollars!
21. Your birthday? December 6 (have you started shopping?)
22. Are you a morning or night person? Night person. All you morning people are crazy.
23. What is your shoe size? 9
24. Pets? Um, entirely too much responsibility involved there.
25. What did you want to be when you were little? A teacher. Or a writer.
26. Any new and exciting news you would like to share with us? I get a two week vacation at Christmas.
27. How do you feel today? Great, except I have to go back to work tomorrow and I need another day off.
28. What is your favorite candy? Chocolate. Peanuts are good with them, but not fruit. Fruit in candy is just silly. It's like trying to sneak in something healthy to your dessert. Dessert is not healthy. Then it would be Desert. er something.
29. What is your favorite flower? Roses- you should buy me some.
30. What is the day on the calendar you're looking forward to? My birthday when you buy me roses and give me a present.
31. What is your full name? Well, according to Goober from college, it's Holliberry Sucks-to-be-you Guttersnipe.
32. What are you listening to right now? The Rescuers, wtih commentary by K.
33. What was the last thing you ate? Roast chicken, stuffing, and acorn squash. My mommy made me dinner.
35. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Either grey or fire engine red. Depending on the moment.
36. How is the weather right now? Dark. Stupid daylight savings time. Stupid Fall.
37. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My mom, to see what time dinner was.
38. Favorite soft drink?I think it's Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. Which I just googled and it sounds like it might be seasonal. So dumb. Never thought I would love anything that said "cranberry" on it. Totally stocking up if it's seasonal.
39. Favorite Restaurant? Chipotle. Or Red Robin. Or Cheesecake Factory. Or... how do people have just one?
40. Hair Color? Purple.
41. What was your favorite toy as a child? My bike, or my sandbox, or my swingset... or my blocks... or my playdough....
42. Summer or winter? Summer
43. Hugs or kisses? Kisses
44. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate. Duh.
45. Coffee or Tea? Hot cocoa
46. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Yes, you should all email me back, all you friends I am emailing.
47. When was the last time you cried? Um, if you don't know that, you don't get to know that. You should call me more.
48. What is under you bed? Wrapping paper, pottery, and books (Rory Gilmore style)
50. How many keys on your key ring? Seven. I'm cutting back.
51. How many years at your current job? Eight
52. Favorite day of the week? Friday and Saturday
53. How many towns have you lived in? Three
54. Do you make friends easily? Sometimes.
55. How many people will you send this to? One plus my blog. So, two. :)
56. How many will respond?20
57. Who do you want for President? No clue. I should really pay attention to that soon.
58. Do you like getting old? Yes, it's loads of fun.
59. What physical feature do you like about yourself the most? My stunning beauty.
60. What physical part of your body would you like to change the most? My metabolism. I would like one that allows me to eat utter crap and not get chubby.

You know you want to email me your list.

Sing it Loud!

I've been thinking about songs that were meaningful to me as a child and taught me the ways of the world , and a few songs come right away. There is, of course, the obvious:



My friend from up the street, Paul, taught it to me when we were playing on his slide in his back yard (when I was five).

And then, moving to the swings, this was my song of choice while swinging in my back yard:



The key, of course, was to run inside and put on your sunday shoes so that you could kick them off at the appropriate point. Then jump off in sock feet, run across the muddy lawn, and put them back on so you could do it again. Oddly I have no memories of my mother stopping this fun game.

Also, I enjoyed singing this one.


Possibly I enjoyed this song by Kenny so much because of this:


*K is thrilled I'm doing this post, by the way. I think she's heard the Gambler 5 times now as I pick the right video to embed. And yet even though this is the 5th time it is playing, she's kinda dancing over there while she reads.

Things to Do While You Pretend Your Friend Didn't Stand You Up

I'm not bitter.

1. Play Sims. Manage to offend little Fake Troy, your Fake Boyfriend, who you are trying to get to be your fake fiance, so you can be fake married, and have fake kids, before you become fake old. I'm really gifted at making Fake Troy hate me. Also at having mental breakdowns from lack of fun and sleep, and ignoring all my party guests.
2. Ponder how K made our fridge stop smelling like poo.
3. Call other friends besides the stand-upper so that you can reassure yourself that EVERYONE is too busy except you.
4. Start the dishwasher when you realize that there are no knives, and that while the fork worked this time for slicking the bread, it might not work next time
5. Watch Samantha Who.

Meanwhile, this is what stander-upper was doing. (Warning: One profane moment)

Little Man has a Little Brother

My sister had a baby! Now she has double the cuteness at her house. While the parents were at the hospital with Little Brother, I got to stay at the house with Little Man. It was a good time to test my mommy skills. The good news is, Little Man has quite the vocabulary. Also, he knows were the cereal, soup and snacks are kept. So if he told me he wanted a cat cookie, and I said where are those, he could tell me which cupboard they were in. So he did not starve. And he knows when his diaper is ready to be changed, so a lovely "I'm poopy!" would wake me in the mornings. I consider the mommy practice a success, because he is still alive and in good health. Also he's adorable.

Little Man holds Little Brother

Cutest little baby head


How can anyone resist picking him up and snuggling him?

Camping for Idiots

As you may know, K, my mom and I went camping in August. Please exuse the tardiness of this post. I'm sure you've been checking daily to see if I post anything about camping.

1. Dress appropriately

Note our model K's totally appropriate khakis. Khakis are always a smart choice for camping in the woods.

Open toe sandals are also good when you are near an open fire ring.

2. Fire is not a toy. Don't spray flammable things into it or build it higher than need be, and always keep a bucket of water nearby.

K demonstrates safe fire building techniques.

3. Rumor has it that dryer sheets repel mosquitoes. If you are camping near a water source (or pretty much anywhere in Western Washington), try tucking a few dryer sheets in your pockets.

4. Things to bring with you: fire wood, matches, newspaper and other fire starters, as well as papertowels or something similar. Not to say that I would ever forget those things...

That Reminds Me of a Song

Do you ever hear a phrase and automatically think of a song? K and I are having one of those weeks. Below are some examples of how I go oldschool and drama full, and K goes to songs you can do the Hustle to. You can play along if you want. Just think of your song before you look at ours. Also, if you want to put a phrase in my comments I will tell you what song it makes me think of.

I say "bad girl," and I think:


K, on the other hand thinks:


I say "don't stop," and I think:


K, on the other hand, thinks:


K says "whatcha gonna do," which OF COURSE makes me think:


But K is wierd, and automatically thinks:

Building Our Beautiful Home

K and I have been looking around for all those little touches to make our apartment feel like home. One of the things we don't have is a knife block. What do you think of this?



If you want to buy your very own you can buy it here.

Read Good.

The other day I overheard one mother of a high school student telling another mother that her child's teacher should not assign such boring books, or the kids will learn to hate reading.

I would like to argue that teachers should make kids read all kinds of stuff, including the boring stuff. Especially the boring stuff. Why? Because your boring stuff is not my boring stuff. Because they might actually learn something. Because our kids should grow up to be smart.

I have a friend who LOVES Dante's Inferno. I personally struggled through Dante's Inferno. This friend can quote from it, name characters, and tell what each circle of hell is in the book.

When I was in the ninth grade, we read Romeo and Juliet. It was slow reading, because Shakespeare's writing is not something your typically breeze through when you're fourteen. I still struggle with Shakespeare a bit, but I'm glad I've read a few of his works all the way through. I remember that my favorite English teacher in the world, Mr. Vinson, had us write a paper about Romeo and Juliet. I wrote that I thought it was the most ridiculous story, and that I had no respect for either of them for killing themselves over someone they had just met. Suicide, I wrote, is never the answer. I did not find it romantic at all. I swore I never would. I believe I got a good grade on my paper. I remember Mr. Vinson looking at me with a glint of amusement and something else in his eye. I think he enjoyed my indignation, and the fact that it came from knowing that piece of literature well enough to judge it. Now I get the romantic part of Romeo and Juliet. That feeling that if the person that you love is no longer in the world, you would rather die than experience the excruciating pain that consumes you. The point wasn't that they commit suicide for each other, I don't think. The suicide was representative of the immense tragedy they felt in their hearts over the loss of one another. The part where they are somewhere around 14 and have known each other for a few weeks I still find silly, although since hormone's are raging and passion is infused into all parts of life, it is a more believable ending when you consider their developmental stage. But the connectedness part I find sweet. If I had not read it then, I could not appreciate it now.

I was also made to read The Pearl by John Steinbeck, as well as Of Mice and Men. I found Steinbeck's style grating at times; he would take a page to describe the road that George and Lennie were plodding along. Now I appreciate that I was made to read those two stories. I never would have chosen those books on my own. I have no desire to read The Pearl again. I don't think I had a desire to read Of Mice and Men again when I first read it, although it was not as tortursome as The Pearl. But as an adult, I may find new meaning in those same lines.

I was given the assignment to read many different pieces of literature throughout my public and college education. There are some authors I can't stand, some books that I saw no point in and some books and authors that I love as a result of those assignements.

The youth of America need to grow up to be able to make intelligent comments about the great writers. Even if all they have to say is why they don't like a particular author and which books he wrote that they hate, they will have benefitted. They are using their critical thinking skills. They are examining other viewpoints and shaping their own world views. They are learning about human behavior, even if they learn about it by identifying that a portrayal of a character is unconvincing, and discovering what human features were lacking to make it convincing. They are learning about the morals portrayed in the writings, and judging what their own moral compass will be. They are learning new words, and seeing how beautiful the english language can be. Above all, through studying how great men and women writers express themselves, they can learn how better to express themselves. Possibly they will absorb other words into their vocabularies, instead of just using their time in school to learn how to use the "f" word as a noun, verb, adjective, and pronoun. Also they may learn to read good.

When Writing your Movie Script, Consider the Following

I like to consider myself fairly open to different types of movies. I will watch romances, suspense, thrillers, mysteries, comedies and even some horror movies. Here is what I think should be banned from being produced:

1. Movies where children die. No. Just, no.
2. Movies where a good romance ends in the couple breaking up. The message being, of course, that they discovered that they are a bigger person on their own, with some new-found independence to buoy them up. At least that's what they tell themselves since they are all alone with their memories. (This is not to be confused with an annoying romance where I thank my lucky stars it was put out of it's misery.)
3. Romance movies where one of the people dies. Hello, isn't real life depressing enough? Shouldn't fictional characters at least get to live happily ever after? What is so romantic about "having them right here, in your heart, forever..."? Um, that would be nothing. It just sucks. You are alone, and it sucks. Yeah, Titanic, I'm talking to you.
3. Romance movies where the characters end up old. Why would we want to fastforward to the end? Kind of anti-climactic, don't you think?
4. Movies where the main character loses their friend/lover/family member, and they see at the end how that person gave them a gift, and they should go on to live bright shiney lives and run and laugh and play. Because you're only really sad for a week or two before you get to that stage. And then you make a new friend who used to be your enemy or at least someone who annoyed you, but was touched by your loved one before or after they tragically died. And then you both become Better People.
5. Poorly written movies with no real deep and meaningful plot which are produced solely to make you want to buy more of the product. Kids movies seem to be produced in this way often. Adults, these aweful movies wouldn't keep being produced if you didn't buy them. What's the deal?

I won't tell you which movie I watched tonight that inspired this post, in case it is in your dvd queue, but suffice it to say it was fairly recent, based on a children's book, and I liked it all the way up to the part where he goes to the museum. And then it became terribly depressing and the bright shiney ending did not make me think, gee, life is good. It made me think, wow, kid, you recovered quickly.

Boys are from Mars, Girls Smell Like Sugar... er something.

Apparently the "new wave" in education and child development is that perhaps boys learn differently than girls, and their education should be approached differently. I find this topic fascinating, since I work with children who are both boys and girls. I have seen the look of boredom, and the boy rolling around on the floor out of boredom while the girls listened intently to the leader. So is seperating them the answer? I don't know how I feel about this. I may just have to read the book.

But I Didn't Go Toward the Light

I almost died today. I started this story with this sentence when I told K and she laughed at me. Go ahead. Laugh. You think I am joking. I am not joking. And I will tell you this story even though you laughed at me. Jerk.

I was on my way back to the office after running a work errand that took up my normal lunch hour. I stopped by Quizno's and bought my favorite sandwich, since it was almost 1:30 and I was STARVING. I decided instead of being patient, and eating my sandwich at my desk while I checked my own blog to see if I had possibly posted yet, I would eat it as I traveled back to the office. I was one block away from my office and almost done with my sandwich when I came to a stoplight. I took (I think) what was the last bite of the sandwich, which was possibly larger than other bites because it was the last bit and I needed both hands, and then I took a deep breath for some reason. And the whole abnormally large bite which had not really been chewed got sucked down my wind pipe. I tried to cough and it was this tiny little thing that sounded more like a throat clearing, since I was only able to take enough air to allow a smurf to function normally. I did this possibly five more times, and I looked in my rearview mirror to see my pretty purple face, and then little white lights swimming by. They were pretty lights, like little lightening bugs, or like those sparklers you wave around on the 4th of July. I then had thoughts like "I'm all alone," and "I'm in a car with no brake set except the one my foot is on," and "if I pass out, how do I make sure I don't die." I'm not sure if I got to the point where I would have put my emergency brake on, or whether I would have thought to lay on my horn, but fortunately even though I was having a hard time forming rational thoughts, I did have the sense to make one more valiant effort to cough (actually it was more like 4 or 5) and summoned all my efforts and muscle support to overcome the the obstacle of the Chicken sandwich and cough as hard as I could. Finally it came out. I still had to cough several times to convince my air passageway that it should, in fact, accept air.

One thing I did learn: when you have almost suffocated, for some reason you (or maybe it's just me) suffer from pins and needles, or more like nails and screws, in your upper back every time you cough or sneeze. Any other near suffocation victims out there who can tell me if I'm a freak of nature, and if not how long this lasts for? I feel a little Google spree coming on.




In honor of my newfound appreciation for my lungs, and also in honor of the Grey's Anatomy premiere I will be missing tomorrow night because I have no cable.

The moral of the story is either:
A. Do not eat Quizno's alone in your car.
B. Fast food will kill you.
C. We must all sit down and lay out a plan for future car choking incidents. Do you honk on the horn or ram a tree to get help? That is the material question.

Is It a New One Yet?

I keep checking my own blog, like it's somehow going to magically change even though I haven't posted. In case you are wondering, part of the reason I have posted so little is that since I have moved, I don't have wifi to call my own. We're hoping to get it in the next week or so. Or at least I'm hoping that. It doesn't seem to be killing K as much as it is killing me. But I know all of my adoring blog readers are probably DYING to hear more from me. Life is just not as shiney and sparkley without my blogs, is it?

On the Road Again

This was me today. This will be me tomorrow.



The scary thing is after so much time in the car I've worked up to doing all four parts at once.

The good news is that although I spent about four hours in the car today, and will likely spend at least four hours in my car tomorrow, I get to be reimbursed for the gas.

Talk About a Gloomy Forecast

The CNN breaking news alert copy writer apparently did not get enough sugar on his cheerios this morning. Or maybe it's the guy who writes copy for the weather service. The alert I got today says, "People sheltering at ground level at Galveston Bay when Hurricane Ike hits face 'certain death.'"

Be nice, Ike!

Thrift Tip #1

K and I have the perfect plan. We were at the business Costco the other day, and they sell vending machines and the goodies to stock them with. So when you come by our place, feel free to help yourself to a nutter butter out of the vending machine. All you need is three quarters.

He's King of the Mountain

Animal sits atop his mountain o' muppet parts,

explaining that the frog had it coming.

KJ (formerly known as KP) graciously gave me one of her comfy, comfy bean bags when I moved out. It got a little ooky during transport, so I took the outer shell off to treat and launder (Turns out I'm magical, and the cover looks brand new). What else was there to do while the cover dried, but to perch animal atop the ruins. The inner pouch has obviously sprung a few leaks. I'm not complaining, because the bean bag is now restuffed and the comfiest seat you can imagine.

Animal oversees the stuffing of the immaculate bean bag.

After I cleaned up the muppet remains, the floor needed vacuumed with our handy dandy vacuum which came from KJ's husband. I had to figure out how to insert the vacuum bag. Since the last vacuum I had access to was bagless, I was a little perplexed. So was Animal.

Animal was perplexed.

Run Away!

The other muppets made Animal mad.

Perfectly Good Sick Days

The unfortunate thing about Sick Days is that they expect you to be sick to take them. On sick days I typically:

1. sleep in
2. Take lots of naps
3. Watch movies
4. Watch tv-when I have tv, which I don't right now
5. Take my temperature every 15 minutes to see if it has gone up or down.

Doesn't this sound fun? (Okay, the thermometer part could probably be left out on your typical lazy day) It would have been fun, except I also felt really yucky, so it was a wee bit difficult to enjoy watching the Pemberley scenes of Pride and Prejudice as they played in a loop. Also I was too nauseous to eat, and yummy foods should be part of any good lazy day. Although Saltine crackers can be surprisingly delicious. Also Sir Isaac Lime and I had a great time.

So, bosses, what is the deal with this requirement to be sick on sick days? It takes all the fun out of them. Laying in a ball in the middle of my bed with the blinds drawn and the fan on, trying not to puke, is not the ideal way to spend a friday (or the Saturday and Sunday of Labor Day weekend, for that matter). If only you wouldn't force me to go to such lengths to get a friday off.

Okay, so there are vacation days, but those don't come up all unexpected like sick days. Unexpected like last friday, where the waves of nausea hit me so fast I barely had time to call someone in the main office, print a sign for the door ("currently puking, call back later"), and speed home to my waiting toilet. All very exciting, except that the impromptu day off was not fun. I want fun sick days. Someone work on that.

Because It's All About Me

I just read the best article. I'm sure you will be surprised to learn that this generation of American children has a greater sense of entitlement than all the generations before them. I know, shocking, right? I cannot tell you the number of times I have to hear the "f" word (fair) out of parents lips, as in "it's not fair to make them clean up after themselves when they are here to have fun." Um, yes, it is. It totally is. It is always fair for people to clean up after themselves. And I'm going to get all crazy here and say that it is actually also quite fair to ask them to clean up after other people. It's called service. And they should be contributing members of society.

I went camping last weekend at a beautiful national park nearby, and I was disgusted with the amount of trash I encountered as I strolled through the beautiful forest that lead to a lovely river on the border of the campground. Some boys had a party by the river the night before, judging from the hooting and firecrackers we heard the night before. And the next day I saw that they had left their beer cans and other detritus scattered by the banks of the river, and half burned in the fire pit. I really am just thankful that they didn't burn down the beautiful forest. That kind of behavior is a perfect example of what happens to children who feel entitled when they grow to be adults. They keep people awake, practically burn down the forest, possibly traumatize the bears in the area, and leave the forest all ooky as a farewell gift.

So, due to my vast knowledge as a parent, I'm giving you the following tips:
1. Make your kids do chores. You are not their maid. They are a member of the household, and the only way they are going to learn to keep a house is by keeping a house. You don't want your kid to be the smelly kid* when they grow up, do you?
2. Teach your kids to leave a place nicer than they found it. My mom always had us throw away our popcorn bag instead of leaving if for the theatre workers to pick up. This is a good thing to teach kids. A bad thing to teach them is that the ground is their garbage can. I cannot tell you how many times I've witnessed a kid standing next to their parent casually drop a candy wrapper on the ground instead of walking the 5 or so feet to a nearby garbage can.
3. Kids are not entitled to your money. I lived most of my life without allowance, and somehow I didn't die.
4. Stop yelling so much. If you say everything in a shout they will think that is normal behavior. And then they will grow up to be adults who yell at people and are surprised that others think they are over reacting. You don't want to raise a crazy kid any more than you want to raise a smelly one, do you?


*I am referring, of course, to Big Daddy, with Adam Sandler.

Can I Have Your Number?

Um, I blame this post on K. It's stuck in my head now. The back of your head is ridikolous.

Movin Day

In honor of moving day, and because I don't have the time or energy to think of an interesting post right now, I give you this movie classic:



pictures of the new apartment to follow. :)

Make Them Stop!

I've had hiccups for about five minutes now. Usually I only have one and then I am done with them. Perfect way to cap off the evening.

Stupid hiccups.

We Knew Even Then...

We knew it was coming. We made fun of hair from other eras, and yet we knew we would some day be mocked. I've watched to movies that kids these days would probably classify as "old" (just like me), where I saw the hair that I used to yearn after and now want to apply frizz control to. I'm speaking of this:

And of this:

Curls are fun, yes. But this looks like unhealthy frizzy permed hair. Which I totally tried to have during junior high school.

Look how pretty her hair is here:

Even if you don't like the coloring you have to admit her hair looks much healthier and touchable, right?

That super curly puffy hair to me is reminiscent of the 'do we were all trying to achieve to some extent. You know the one. The one where you had the spiral perm, adn then you had a big puff on the top of your head, like Elaine from Seinfeld. My only comfort is that it seems to be making a comeback, so we can mock these crazy kids some day too. I'm talking about this:

All the kids are doing it.