A Road Trip Through Little Man's Lense

Hey! Little Man here! Mom and me and Aunt Holliberry and Little Brother and my fire engine went on a car trip. I took some pictures so you could see.


Here's my knee:

Here's my nose, and my mouth, and my teeth:

Here's my chin:
It was sunny sometimes, but it was also cloudy and rainy:
We saw lots of nature. Like this grass:
Have I mentioned I like giraffes? Here's our giraffe sticker:

Here's Little Brother:

Little Brother expressing his opinion about something crazy Aunt Holliberry just said:

Or maybe he was just reading this sign:

Sometimes Sacrifices Have to Be Made

Yes, sacrifice. Like the rough, rough sacrifice of looking at this cute face for hours at a time.

Little Blue Eyes, here, smiled, cooed, and was generally adorable. And for the very difficult task of snuggling with him and playing games to make him smile, I got a color, cut, and eyebrow wax.

Isn't it cute? KJ (the girl formerly known as my roommate) made a trade with me. And yes, I covered my face. But you get to see Kermie's face, so it's like a trade. To help you feel like you are here with me, I will tell you that it is very soft, and I can toss my hair around like the Vidal Sassoon girl. Also it smells really really good from the shampoo and conditioner and hair product. Maybe later I will make K take a picture of it in the sun for me to post so you can see all the red.

Important Facts from a Template

So my apartment complex sends out a nice template newsletter each month along with those treasures they type up themselves that I have already quoted from. In it, you can read all kinds of random facts which pretty much have nothing to do with where you live.

Like, did you know that if you have stale chips, you can put them in the microwave for 30 seconds, let them stand for a minute, and they will be crisp again? How handy is that? I don't know if I can bring myself to eat even once-stale chips, because I have a huge aversion to old crackers and chips, but maybe....

Also, strawberries have some of the natural ingredients found in aspirin. So possibly eating some could help that nasty headache!

June 1st is National Go Barefoot Day. Then you clean out your closet and donate your shoes to http://www.soles4souls.org/. I bet they would still take them, even though it's not June 1st. And I give you permission to go barefoot today. Have your boss call me if he/she has any questions (Dizzle I dare you).

Who knew!? (Yes, smarty pants, I'm sure one of you knew at least one of these facts. Go ahead. Brag.)

(facts provided by Illustratus)

Oink.

Have you heard about the latest swine flu fatality? Tragic.

June in Western Washington

I live somewhere pretty. Do you?

Things To Do When You Don't Have a Job

1. Put up those shelves you've been meaning to put up for the last 6 months.

2. Cook things. Like fancy omelets. This one is an egg, goat cheese, mushroom and avocado omelet with salt and pepper. It was quite good, but it was missing something. What was it missing, smarty pants cooking people?

That's It. Employers Have Gone 'Round the Bend.

The good news is that all the crazies making odd business decisions are giving me plenty of fodder for my blog. With that said, I have to ask, what on earth is going on? Did you hear about this? Basically one lovely city has started requiring all your web membership info (MyFace, personal websites, online groups you belong to, etc), including password, so they can nose into your life. So many thoughts tumbling through my head.

First, this has got to be a violation somehow of some law that employers should be following. If it's not, it should be. They have no right to look in my personal accounts. If they can't find me using the handy, dandy cyber-stalking tools I've already told you about, then I say it's none of their business. If you are worried about character, check their references, call former employers, and do a background check. Novel concept. Having interviewed hundreds of volunteers, you can general identify the crazies right off the bat. And if they slip through, you have policies in place to catch the weirdness or prevent it.

Second, how do they know if you gave them all the info? if your settings are all to private on everything, and there are no real identifying features of where an account holder lives, it could be someone else with a similar name. So how do they know if you handed everything over? I personally might be hard-pressed to argue that if I attached both my names, but that's part of the reason I don't. I don't WANT to be found by certain people. Like crazies and potential employers. It's not because I do crazy things, or say inappropriate things, or have anything to hide. It's because I like to have a private life. My last boss knew I had a blog and could have cared less, since she has an aversion to all things computer-related. But she also knew I wasn't writing things that she needed to be concerned about.

Third, these people are idiots. And I'm glad I don't live there. And if this becomes a thing, someone better darn well sue and take it to the supreme court if they have to. I'm not okay with this.

There Are No Words...

Yet I will come up with some. I just read this article. My favorite part is "Anyway, you only need to look at the tags of clothes size 10 and 20 to see that the difference in cost – sometimes three or four dollars, sometimes 10 or 15 dollars, is being passed on to the plus-sized consumer."

Um, did I miss something? When did size 10 become plus size? What crack are these people smoking? And HOW on earth are they saving money by not serving the majority of American women? Do all the skinny girls have the money?

I fully acknowledge that 68% of American women being plus-sized is too many. That is another post, though. Beyond the fact that we have some serious health issues in this country, and that we all need to get our butts in gear, or at least I do, WE HAVE TO WEAR SOMETHING IN THE MEANTIME. Ridiculous. I love that at the bottom of the article they try to console us by pointing out that many of the stores will allow us to purchase their plus-sizes online, even if they won't stock them in the store. Totally good solution. Because women struggling with weight issues, and therefore generally more body flaws to try to camouflage and draw attention away from, should order things online. Looking at it on the size 0 model will give you a GREAT idea what it looks like. Or, if they have it on their size 10 "plus size" models (if they are even that big), that will also give plus size ladies a good idea.

Thank you, fashion world, for giving so many women such a boost. We feel fabulous.

I'm a Whiner: a Reminder to Buck Up

Seriously. Of all the youtube videos in all the world, this one is really cool. You should watch it. It's this man with no arms and legs who goes around talking to kids about having hope and happiness in life. I actually would like it better without the sappy music they edited in, because I think his message is more powerful without the music they put in to play on our emotions. But this guy is so cool. There are a bunch of videos on him on youtube.

Hey, I'm Parked Here!

In case there was any question... there's a van in this parking space. The orange cone was the thing that tipped me off.



I totally need a job that has rules like this.

Mystery Video

I found this video, and I found it amusing so I copied the embedding code, and now I can't remember what it is or what I wanted to say about it. So here ya go.

I'm Rubber, You're Glue

I don't understand people who are entertained by seeing their friends stress. I am a worrier, which some people seem to find amusing, and to toy with. I, on the other hand, worry that something I have said or done will upset a friend. I do not understand why something that I have expressed that clearly hurts me (and in my opinion, by extension, our relationship) is something that they are okay with continuing on with. I've decided that said people have the same characteristic in common: they suck at listening. Apparently they don't think I'm serious. I am.

I think there should be clear, written rules about teasing for all grownups to use. We should have a safe word. Like lickety split. Okay, that's two words. My point is, if teasing is hurtful, it's not funny anymore. I think one of the big no-no's is teasing in front of groups of people, especially if you know it's a huge flaw. Especially if you know it's something the person is sensitive about. To me, if I see one friend do that to another friend, I know the teaser is not a very good friend to the tease-ee. It shows insecurity on the part of the teaser. When eight year olds do it, we sagely point that out to them. Why is it that we still do it as adults, then?

If someone tells you they don't like it when you tease them constantly about... let's say their moments of ditziness, that is the same thing as saying "lickety split." That means stop.

Feel Better about your Crazies

I've been trying, but failing, to avoid all the annoying "news" coverage of a certain reality show couple with a plethora of children. I've been torn about blogging about it, just because saying something means I am participating in the gossipy annoyingness (technical term). I just cannot believe what is going on, though, so I am giving in and just saying my piece.

I don't care about their marital problems. I don't care if he's cheating, and I don't care if she's a control freak. I don't care if they are getting counseling. Okay, not totally true, I hope they are, because I hate seeing a marriage fail, but it's not my business.

I know that the argument is that they made it our business when they pretty much sold their lives to a television station for fame and money, and cool vacations and experiences. But to me, that argument only partly works. No one would have bought it, or continued to pay them for it, if there weren't so many voyeurs in the world wanting to get a view of their homelife. I'm not saying people are awful for wanting to watch. A family with sextuplets, plus a pair of twins is fascinating, and having an adorable three-year-old nephew, I cannot imagine multiplying his energy by six and putting them in one room. So there's the curiosity factor there. But I don't think that the afore mentioned couple was thinking about their relationship being dissected when they signed on. The focus of the show, from what little I have heard/seen is the children, and how their parents survive each day, basically.

I also don't think that the fact that they signed a contract to be put on television gives us license to renact our worst moments of adolescence. It does not automatically mean that we as a society can behave like the Mean Girls at your local junior high school. Chasing them around, taking pictures, passing them around, discussing it every day... sounds kind of like our good old teenage angsty days, doesn't it? Minus the internet component, of course, for most of us. And the pictures, because we didn't waste film like that back in the pre-digital days. But I can tell you it sounds like some of the bullying that goes on nowadays in your local junior high and high schools. So... gossiping and spreading nasty rumors is bad in Junior High School, but as adults, we should not only support it, but pay for it? Mmmkay. Way to teach the children, guys.

And another thing. What is up with their extended family? Of the little that I have watched on tv (and I've really tried hard not to get sucked in), so far the dad's brother and sister-in-law have done a full interview with some "news" show, and the brother of the alleged "other woman" (she swore they were just friends) have come out and talked to the media. Why would you do that to your family? Both of them were making things look worse with their interviews, so it wasn't the protective factor. They were basically "confirming" that the hubby is a cheating you-know-what, and that they are terrible parents, and that the kids are scarred forever. I'm sure they are saying "thanks bro" to both those charmers, and to the sister-in-law (who only did the interview "for the children." I'm sure the children will grow up feeling loved, knowing that aunty trash talked mommy and daddy on national tv).

The argument of the brother of the mom (or really his wife), is that they are tormenting these poor children by having their every tantrum and pouty face memorialized and televized. Only from what I have read, the film crew is only there a few days a week, for two hours at a time. They've had the same crew the whole time in an effort to make it a little less weird for the kids. I'm not saying I would let someone film my life like that, because I wouldn't. I already know I'm crazy sometimes. I don't need America to know that. But the way the news is spinning it, you would think they are there 24 hours a day. And really, if you have to spin it, at some point it doesn't become news, it becomes starting a rumor.

After watching the whole media hoopla fueled by family members of the primary people involved, I have something to say. Aren't you glad your family hasn't humiliated you on national tv? Count your blessings, people! Your crazies only have a local audience!

Thought for the Day

Don’t worry about searching for who you are; focus your energies on creating the kind of person you want to be! You will discover that as you pursue that journey you will not only find yourself, but chances are you will be pleasantly surprised and proud of the person you find along the way.

Joseph B. Wirthlin, 1999.

For Crying Out Loud

One of my roommates in college always used to say,"for crying out loud!" Perhaps partially to keep memories of her close to me since she's dropped off the freaking map (not bitter...) I say it all the time now. Here's a list of the wierd things I say because of friends/roommates, and why you are all fired.

• Okay, fine. (K- this is your fault and I've only recently started saying it.)


• Swee-pea. (I blame this on one of my college friend's mothers. Whose name also starts with a K. Hey, I'm seeing a pattern here.


• Your mom. (My sister, SusieQ)


• Ghetto. (Also my sister SusieQ, and mostly uttered to antagonize my older nephew.)


• Bummer- Actually, I don't know where I got that one. Maybe that's the one I'm trying to make stick in YOUR brain for the rest of your days. Or maybe it was IM.

Stupid Pita heads.

A certain extremist organization for animals, or Pita, as I like to call them, has just become more stupid in my eyes. I would have thought their use of pornography in their ads to draw attention to their feelings about animal issues would have been the dumbest they could get. Nope. They can get dumber.

If you know Seattle at all, you have heard of Pike Place Market. You know, the farmer's market down near the waterfront in downtown Seattle. The most familiar image associated with this attraction would be the Public Market sign mounted near the south side of the main market area. If you watch Grey's, you might recognize this as the place they sometimes pretend is located right next to the hospital, along with the Space Needle. I like to laugh at those episodes. Just ask JennaL, only crazy people walk from one landmark to the other unless they have really good walking shoes on and are prepared to walk uphill for what might seem like a very long time. She knows because she walked there with me. That was at least 5 or 6 years ago. She might possibly forgive me soon. Maybe? Right, Jenna? But I digress.

One of the most famous attractions at Pike Place Market, besides the booths with local artists and craftsmen, and fresh produce and flowers, is the fresh fish market, where fish are thrown from man to man (not being sexist here, just have never seen a woman working there, not that it might not happen) when someone places an order for fish. Tourists (and okay, we'll admit it, locals sometimes) can be seen gathering around this area, waiting to see the fish thrown. It's really fun to watch 50 people or so gather, and the guy at the counter reminding them that someone needs to buy something before anything will get tossed. Great marketing ploy, if you ask me. Considering how slippery and heavy a fish can be, it's amazing to me that I've never seen one dropped. It's quite a fun way to entertain yourself for free (assuming someone else pays to buy the fish so they will toss it). I also think it's cool that they have it set up so tourists can have fish packed and shipped to them, or packed to take on the plane. Fancy.

So now, party pooper Pita is complaining because the fish are dead. Okay, fine, they would complain if live ones were tossed too. I personally would not want to see that either. But fish are tasty and meant to be eaten, especially fresh.* (And I have my own personal fisherman, who brings me fresh Salmon occasionally, which is THE BEST, so I know.) A bunch of Veterinarians are getting together for a conference, and they wanted to have a demo from the Pike Place fish fellas. Poopy Pita caught wind, and they sent a letter complaining about dead fish being treated "as toys." Um, no. Not toys. Flying food. And who doesn't dream about their food flying from time to time. And apparently the Vets backed out and are no longer having the demo. But you can bet if the conference is in Seattle, they'll all be going to the market to see them fly on their own time anyways. So neener, neener Pita.

* Don't get me wrong, I don't think animals should be mistreated or abused. They should be treated with respect, down to the way they are killed and used afterwards. But I believe in eating meat. It is good for you, and it's here for us. I read that on the Internet. Just kidding. I read it in the Bible. I am not saying that we should kill and eat it all, or that it should be all that we eat, either. Balanced diets are good. And part of a balanced diet includes a little bit o' meat from time to time, at least in my world. My vegetarian friends find ways around that, and that's cool. But I will never love tofu or beans or the like that much.

Be Prepared. It's Not Just for the Boy Scouts.

Today I need to talk to you about a serious event that is looming in the not-so-distant horizon. As my family and friends, I want you all to be prepared for this undeniable eventuality. Specifically, the world is going to end in three years.

It's true. I googled it. Not only is there an informative movie, but there is this book, this book (which is more about how our global consciousness will change as we change out our calendars, so no death in that one, possibly--sounds pretty far-fetched to me), and this Newsweek article. And clearly, Newsweek is saying we are all going to die. I'm frankly surprised the media is being so irresponsible and not reporting this with the urgency that they should. I would think at least my boyfriend Anderson would.

What do I do, you ask? Why, join the lottery, of course. Space is filling up, as you can see from the handy little graph on the left. There appears to be quite a bit left in North America, but obviously those spaces will go like hotcakes after the informative movie comes out. I know I want to secure my place in the subterranean city in Antartica.*

Also, keep up on your reading. It's good to be informed.


*This site is created by Sony for their movie. Don't get too excited.

Oh, Wait, I already Am.

Yet another Mix Tape I feel I should have in my collection that I don't yet is the Stalker Collection. It would include (with coding that won't navigate you from this page, but instead will open a new window, as it should be):

1. Every Breathe You Take, by The Police. I had to get that one out of the way because I think that is the first one that comes to most people's minds. At least it gets it out there right up front: "Every breath you take and every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take I'll be watching you." But really, it climaxes in romance/creepiness at "oh can't you see you belong to me."

2. Invisible, by Clay Aiken. Clay, Clay, Clay. You would just watch her (or maybe him) in her room? But oh, wait, he already is. Invisible. So apparently he's already watching you in your room. Isn't that romantic?

(by the way, sounds like Clay may actually have done a cover of the song, since a boyband from Ireland did it first.

3. Close to You, by The Carpenters. I think this song has even been USED for stalkers on tv or in movies. "That is why all the girls in town follow you all around. Just like me they long to be close to you...." Also, totally dig the pink dress. Ah, those were the days. Bet it was pure polyester.

4. One Way or Another, by Blondie. First of all, one way or another we need to get Blondie a burger or something. She looks skinny in an unhealthy way. But she does make a convincing stalker. "I'll walk down the mall, stand over by the wall, where I can see it all, find out who ya call." Also I think possibly everyone in that video, including the audience and the creepy stage dancers might be on drugs.

5. Can't Stand Losing you, by the Police. Apparently they were good stalkers, because I can think of one or two others that I am not going to put on the list by them. Takes a really creepy turn at the line "you'll be sorry when I'm dead, and all this guilt will be on your head. " Yet, it's the Police, so I still enjoy it.

6. I want you to want me, by Cheap Trick. With the memorable and complex lyrics: " Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'? Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'? Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.Oh, didn't I, didnt I, didn't I see you cryin'?"

7. The Rain, by Oran "Juice" Jones. I saw you, (and him, and him) walking in the rain. You were holding hands and I"ll never be the same. Although it's really about cheating. Close ya mouth cause you cold busted!

8. Never Gonna Give You Up, Rick Astley: Siiigh. Rick is so cool. "We're no strangers to love. You know the rules and so do I. A full commitment's what I"m thinking of.... Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down... " Do you promise, Rick? What I find interesting is that Rick is now part of a continuing prank on youtube. Have you been Rickrolled?

9. Come to My Window, Melissa Etheridge: "Come to my window. Come on inside, and wait by the light of the moon. Come to my window. I'll be home soon." So I guess really it's an invitation to stalk. And really, so much more creepier once you've seen the intro with Juliette whats-her-face.

10. I'll Be There, Jackson 5. "I'll be there. Just look over your shoulders, honey!" Interesting fact that I learned from watching "The Jacksons: An American Dream," is that it was supposed to be shoulder singular, but that darn cute Michael kept saying shoulders. The boys were quite miffed with him. Just watch the movie and you will see. Also, you'll learn about the time his hair caught on fire.

11. And the song that I thought was THE most romantic song EVER when I was in Junior High School: Right Here Waiting for You, Richard Marx. "Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you. Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you.... I hear the laughter, I taste the tears, but I can't get near you now.... Oh can't you see it, baby? You've got me going crazy. " I'm coming Richard! I'm coming! Just keep your hair feathered like that and we will be golden!

Life is Like a...

Basket of laundry. Sometimes it's clean, sometimes it's dirty. Sometimes it smells good, sometimes it seems a little rotten. Sometimes you want to deal with it, sometimes you don't. Sometimes it's too tight... wait. Too much?

What I Did on My Memorial Day Weekend, by Holliberry Guttersnipe

I was walking innocently down some stairs, when allegedly I tripped and fell down about five wooden stairs onto a cement floor. Really I was pushed. Or tripped. Or thrown. Yeah, yeah, that's it, thrown.

It feels worse than it looks. It looks better in the pictures than it was. It was very, very swollen. Most of the swelling has gone down. Also I very slightly twisted one of my ankles, and I sprained my thumb. I can't believe someone would throw me down the stairs like that.

A Very Serious Illness.

This is a Public Service Announcement. You may be sick and not even know it. This is a serious illness, right up there with Swine Flu. The illness I refer to is Married People Malady, or MPM.

Here are the symptoms of MPM:
1. Think sending a Christmas card/letter is keeping in contact.
2. Create a blog for two purposes, and two purpose only: to talk about their kids more, and to excuse themselves from ever calling you again, because they are Married People now, and also Very Busy Parents. Hey, you can stalk them online, so what are you complaining about?
3. They create a blog and DON'T tell you, but tell your other friends, so you see their link on a mutual friend's blog. Hypothetically. And hypothetically I'm not bitter.
4. They send out periodic mass emails to "keep in touch" with everyone since they are so busy, and ask you to respond individually and let them know what's been going on in your life because... you are... not so busy? This, my friends, is when my Single Hackles go up. Except right now, since I'm unemployed and only have half a life. So feel free to ask me, because you will get a five page response. But usually? Totally busy. And STILL manage to keep up with my friends who send me real emails.
5. Act like they haven't been a "kid" for 40 or 50 years, when in fact, they were in college less than ten years ago. Of course, I know single people like this too. But it's the part where they have kids and all the sudden they start acting old.
6. They forget how to use Instant Messaging, even though their primary location for sending messages was at work, which has not changed at all. Apparently talking to single ladies about things like work and the weather is bad when you are married. Even for wifeys.
7. They have parties that they invite all their couple friends to. And not you. Although, if they really have MPM, and they do invite you, they behave like this:



P.S. If you do feel the urge to invite me, you better invite an only slightly taken Mr. Darcy, who likes me just as I am.

And as an ode to my current Saturday night plans, minus the alcohol and cigarette, but probably with the lypsynching and the Frasier.

"I should TOTALLY blog about that!"

Words uttered at least three times yesterday. Cannot for the life of me remember what I wanted to talk about. What should I blog about?

Just Say No to Tobacco

See how that rhymes? It totally does. Today's hot topic from CNN is smoking. Apparently the American Medical Association Alliance has had enough. They are calling for all movies that depict characters smoking to be rated R. The reasoning is that apparently there is a study that shows that seeing these images inspires teenagers to start smoking. The actual article is much more clear if you prefer facts over vagueness. As much as I will acknowledge that smoking is yucky, and that I wish my friends would not do it (and yes I know it's hard to quit and I'm not getting all Judgey McJudgerson here, I just worry about you), I'm not sure this is the right approach. In conversations I've had with friends about why they starting smoking, usually the answer has something to do with the fact that all their other friends were doing it and it sounded good at the time. Of course, there may be deeper psychological factors that they can't fully pinpoint. Maybe they DO just want to be Sandy so they can hook their Danny.

Think of the movies and shows we loved back in the day that totally promoted smoking:

1. Alice in Wonderland

2. Newsies

3. Footloose (because Bad Boys smoke)

4. Pretty in Pink (because Bad Boys smoke in the hallways of high school)

5. The Odd Couple

6. The Flinstones

7. I Love Lucy (to keep your man happy).

8. The Muppets

9. The A-Team

And, by the way, guess what you are all getting for Christmas.

Not to discount the value in not portraying smoking in a positive light on screen, because I'm sure there is value there, but I think possibly it has a wee bit less to do with what we see on screen, and more with the messages we get at home. K and I were talking about how we watched a lot of the above shows, but we also got the message that smoking is yucky, and that we don't do that. I think parents really do have a lot of power to shape the opinions of their wee ones. I had no idea when I was little that people turn to cigarettes when they are stressed, because of something the nicotine does when you are addicted, er whatever. I just knew it smelled yucky and was bad for you. Also that Mom frowned on pulling the butts one might find in the street apart, and that inside the butts, there was a weird cotton substance. What is that, anyways?

On the other hand, I know kids/adults whose parents smoke who will NEVER smoke having watched their parents go through the struggle of trying to quit over and over, and the health issues, and I know people whose parents abhor smoking who are chain smokers. So there you have it. I guess my point is, kids, don't smoke. Apparently my neighbor missed that memo because I smell smoke wafting through my window right now. So much for that "non-smoking" building.