What I Did on My Memorial Day Weekend, by Holliberry Guttersnipe

I was walking innocently down some stairs, when allegedly I tripped and fell down about five wooden stairs onto a cement floor. Really I was pushed. Or tripped. Or thrown. Yeah, yeah, that's it, thrown.

It feels worse than it looks. It looks better in the pictures than it was. It was very, very swollen. Most of the swelling has gone down. Also I very slightly twisted one of my ankles, and I sprained my thumb. I can't believe someone would throw me down the stairs like that.